- Lord Edmund: I say, the moon is out, and yet it is day. The moon mocks me... and I will not be mocked!
- Lord Edmund: The insolence and bold affrontary! She was mocking me, was she not?
- Servant #1: Oh, yes, your Lordship. I was crimson with rage and egregious impertinence of her bold imputance!
- Weekend Update Anchor: In a bizarre mix-up this week, George Bush was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and Little Richards was sworn in as the 41st President of the United States. In an interesting side-note, Little Richard will act as his own First Lady.
- John Malkovich: [during goodnights] I never thought I'd get to work with Jon Lovitz... and I hope I never will again. Eh, the man is a pig... and a menace.
- A. Whitney Brown: Now there were eleven inaugural balls. Now, some people would say that's a little excessive. But, you know, it takes a lot of balls to throw a 30 million dollar celebration before you've even done anything.
- John Malkovich: Uh, my whole family is planning to watch the show, unless it's pre-emptied for the Kentucky University basketball game, at which point they'll drive up to Mount Vernon and watch it at the Holodome, unless they have to pay for the room overnight.