Sabrina the Teenage Witch (TV Series)

The Band Episode (1998)

Lindsay Sloane: Valerie Birkhead

Photos 

Quotes 

• Harvey Kinkle : The school's having a battle of the bands. And I signed us up.

  Sabrina Spellman : I didn't know we were a band.

  Harvey Kinkle : Every group had to start somewhere. Usually in a garage. We can leapfrog that and start in the gym. What do you say?

  Valerie Birkhead : We could have cool outfits.

  Sabrina Spellman : We could work on dance moves.

  Valerie Birkhead : Put together a light show. I always wanted to be in a band.

  Sabrina Spellman : Me too. We're in.

  Harvey Kinkle : Great.

  Sabrina Spellman : So does anyone here actually know how to play an instrument?

• Libby Chessler : Well, if it isn't the Electric Freak Orchestra. And by the way, the cheerleaders have a band, and we're gonna win.

  Valerie Birkhead : She doesn't know that.

  Libby Chessler : Yes, I do. Cheerleaders always win. And geeks always lose. I believe they call that the natural order.

  Sabrina Spellman : I do not want to lose to Libby. We have to get good, and we have to get good soon.

  Valerie Birkhead : We're not good?

• Principal Willard Kraft : Okay, it's only fair that I let the final band compete, Although the expression "just a formality" certainly comes to mind. Please welcome Entry Number 5.

  Valerie Birkhead : We forgot to come up with a name.

  Sabrina Spellman : Just play.

• Harvey Kinkle : We'll grab some eats, and I'll tell the others about you joining the band.

  Valerie Birkhead , Sabrina Spellman : What?

  Harvey Kinkle : Hi. Sabrina, Valerie, I'd like you to meet Sunset.

  Valerie Birkhead : You can't just bring someone into the band.

  Sabrina Spellman : Especially someone named Sunset.

• Valerie Birkhead : I can't suck on TV. You'd think I'd be good at humiliation. It's just another thing I failed to master.

• Sabrina Spellman : So are we still speaking to each other?

  Harvey Kinkle : Yes. If we never talk about how bad we played today.

  Valerie Birkhead : I can't figure out what went wrong. Was there something in that hummus?

  Sabrina Spellman : Let's remember not to let anything like this get in the way of friendship.

  Valerie Birkhead : You mean success? I don't think that will be a problem.

  Harvey Kinkle : I blame Sunset.

• Valerie Birkhead : You still stuck on that whole us winning thing?

  Sabrina Spellman : Come on. It's not so bad. I mean, the only difference between us and them is they're talented.

  Harvey Kinkle : Makes you wonder if Hitler was actually a good painter.

• Valerie Birkhead : Sabrina, I wrote a song for our TV debut, but the drummer has a problem with it.

  Harvey Kinkle : Take a look at it.

  Sabrina Spellman : Valerie, you wrote a song called My Valerie?

  Valerie Birkhead : Wait till you see what he wants to do.

  Harvey Kinkle : I drew up some ideas for a complete new look for the band. That's you and Val.

  Sabrina Spellman : Why are we dressed like worms? They're brown unitards. It's a comment on an asexual society. And I'm the universal love being, signified by the goat ears and the sleeveless spandex vestments.

  Sabrina Spellman : Love being?

  Valerie Birkhead : Yeah, but we can't sing about me.

  Harvey Kinkle : I'm trying to change America.

  Valerie Birkhead : Oh, yeah?

  Sabrina Spellman : Hold it. Why are we fighting? We're friends.

  Valerie Birkhead : Because he has a stupid idea.

  Sabrina Spellman : Oh, yeah. I am not gonna perform dressed like a bug.

  Harvey Kinkle : This is my band.

  Valerie Birkhead , Sabrina Spellman : Your band?