Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Timeslides (1989)

Robert Addie: Gilbert

Quotes 

• Rimmer : [to Lister]  You call this happiness? Surrounded by toadying lackeys and paid sycophants? Living with a love goddess sex bomb model megastar? You call this contentment? You know, I stand here now and I look at the two of us and I ask one simple question: Who is the rich man? You, with your 58 houses, your private island in the Bahamas, your multi-billion pound business empire, or me, with... with... with what I've got.

  [pauses] 

  Rimmer : It's you, isn't it? Yes, it's all very clear to me now. You - richer and happier.

  Gilbert : [showing Rimmer out]  This way, sir.

  Rimmer : Should have thought a bit harder about that speech, really. I cocked it up a bit, didn't I?

• [Lister enters the courtyard of his mansion and looks at the 50 foot nude, urinating statue of himself] 

  Gilbert : I am most awfully sorry about the statue, sir. The contractors still haven't devised a way of making it urinate champagne into the courtyard, although I am assured that it will be fully functional for the royal visit this week.

  Dave Lister : Oh, get outta town! This is gonna slay 'em!

  Gilbert : Indeed, sir. I am only just recovering from the hilarity of the gag myself. It is almost Swiftian in its rapier-like subtlety.