Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Tikka to Ride (1997)

Danny John-Jules: Cat

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lister : You know the news? All the curry supplies have been destroyed.

  [Cat and Rimmer point to black arm bands they are wearing] 

  The Cat , Rimmer : We heard!

  Rimmer : As a mark of respect, I though on Sunday at 12:00 we could have a minute's flatulence

• The Cat : You guys said Kennedy was a great prez!

  Kryten : He was!

  Rimmer : He was also an inveterate womanizer, his affairs were legendary, they never came out while he was alive.

  Kryten : Every man has his weak spot, his Achilles heel.

  Rimmer : And Kennedy's was just... higher up.

• [extended version] 

  Lister : It's nothing to you guys, is it? Curries are my life!

  [pause] 

  Lister : Gosh some of the nights. I remember once on planet leave on Orion. I drank a yard of Vindaloo sauce, right out of one of those long glass tubes, then went out on the pool. It was a bet.

  Kryten : It is impossible for mechanoids to vomit, sir. I believe it is safe for you to continue

  Lister : There was this club: "The Crazy Astro". I started dancin' with this space girl there. She couldn't hear in there.

  Rimmer : Fido was it? Lassie possibly?

  Lister : She was very attractive actually, Rimmer: very short skirt, little ankle bracelet. Took our her chewing gun before she ate her chicken in the basket. You know, class. All right, she had teeth that looked like six half open garage doors, but it was nothing a cosmetic surgeon couldn't fix in ten minutes

  The Cat : So what happened?

  Lister : I went over to her, leant in close, asked her to dance. For a few seconds she didn't answer.

  The Cat : She was probably concussed. A yard of Vindaloo sauce? You must've had breath that could shear sheep.

  Lister : We started to snuggle up...

  Kryten : Hmm... I'm not sure I want to hear any more of this.

  Lister : Then all of a sudden, a rumbling in me stomach. All I can remember is runnin'... across the dance floor... through the crowd... just made it.

  The Cat : So, you didn't get off with her?

  Lister : The only thing *I* got off was the loo about six hours later. When I got back to the dance floor, everyone was gone. They had to wait for me, to lock the club. Huh! Nearly put me off curries for life. In fact, I didn't have another one until the following night.

  Rimmer : What an *enchanting* little tale! Well if you'll excuse me, I'm just off to glub a couple of yards of vindy sauce. Then, if we *do* happen to chance across 'Planet of the Snooty Sex Sirens', I can't miss.

• The Cat : [to Kryten]  How come you need more memory? Over the years you've had more RAM than a field of sheep.

• [extended version] 

  The Cat : rrrrrrrRRRROWWWWR! I feel GREAT! Got all the beauty sleep I needed. Stayed awake all night!

• Cat : [holding the time drive]  I've always been a bit of a technical wiz when it comes to these kinda gizmos.

• Cat : Chicken's good.

  Lister : Yeah, it's really good.

  Kryten : That's not chicken sirs.

  Cat : What is it?

  Kryten : It's that man we found.

• Cat : So am I right in thinking there's a chance I could get a major nuclear explosion all over this suit? Because I'm telling you guys, that stuff does *not* dry clean.

  Rimmer : Back to Starbug.

  Kryten : Starbug isn't there, it doesn't exist.

  Rimmer : How come?

  Kryten : Best guess: Kennedy's impeachment traumatized the American nation, allowing the U.S.S.R to win the space race. In this reality, it was probably the Russians who were the first to land on the moon.

  Cat : So we're marooned?

  Lister : How was I to know a chicken vindaloo was gonna cause all this?