Red Dwarf (TV Series)

The End (1988)

Chris Barrie: Rimmer

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Lister : [singing]  To Ganymede and Titan - yes sir, I've been around...

  Rimmer : Lister, have you ever been hit over the head with a welding mallet?

• Lister : Not until you pass your engineer's exam. And you won't do that because you'll just go in there and flunk again.

  Rimmer : Lister, last time I only failed by the *narrowest* of narrow margins.

  Lister : You what? You walked in there, wrote 'I am a fish' four hundred times, did a funny little dance, and fainted.

• Lister : What's it feel like?

  Rimmer : Death? It's like being on holiday with a group of Germans.

• Lister : I'm gonna get a sheep and a cow, and breed horses.

  Rimmer : ...With a sheep and a cow?

  Lister : No, with horses and horses.

• Lister : You're a hologram, so what?

  Rimmer : I suppose you're right, Lister. I've got to pull myself together. But you've got help me, you've got to be my hands and my touch.

  Lister : I know the sort of things you like to touch. No way, Rimmer. Forget it.

• Todhunter : There are 169 people onboard this ship. You, Rimmer, are over one man. Why can't you two get on?

  Lister : You see, I try sir. I'm not an insubordinate man by nature. I try and respect Rimmer and everything but it's not easy because he's such a smeg head!

  Rimmer : Did you hear that, sir? Lister, do you have any conception of the penalty for describing a superior technician as a smeg head?

  Todhunter : [laughs and pats Rimmer's shoulder]  Oh, Rimmer! You are a smeg head.

• Rimmer : Lister, is that a cigarette you're smoking?

  Lister : No, it's a chicken.

• Rimmer : Lister, do you think it's easy for someone like me to become an officer? Someone who wasn't academy-educated? Someone who didn't have the right nobby background? Someone who didn't have the right parents?

  Lister : You didn't have the right parents? Whose parents did you have?

  Rimmer : My parents, the wrong parents.

• Rimmer : Being a hologram is fine, Lister. I still have the same drives, the same feelings, the same emotions... but I can't touch anything. Never again will I be able to brush a rose against my cheek, cradle a laughing child, or interfere with a woman, sexually.

  Lister : Rimmer, you never used to do any of those things anyway.

  Rimmer : But I would have done one day, murderer!

• Lister : And look, look, you're not dead, are ya? I mean, you're "dead", but you're not dead-dead because you're still here, aren't ya?

  Rimmer : Lister, I'm not really here. I'm not really me. Don't you see? I'm a computer simulation of me.

  [points to his remains - a pile of white powder on the floor] 

  Rimmer : That's me there, that pile of albino mouse droppings.

• Lister : He's coming home with us. Aren't you, Cat?

  Rimmer : Home? And where exactly is home supposed to be?

  Lister : Earth!

  Rimmer : Earth? What makes you think there'll be any Earth, Lister? Even if there is, look what it's done to a household pet in three million years! Can you imagine what humankind has evolved into? To them, you'll be the equivalent of the slime that first crawled out of the oceans!

• Rimmer : [reading the test answers he's written on his arms]  What does this MEAN? What does any of this mean? I've covered my body in complete and total and utter and absolute nonsense! Gibberish! AAARGH, Just relax, relax, relax, relax...