Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Camille (1991)

Robert Llewellyn: Kryten

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rimmer : [about Rimmer Camille]  I happen to think she's incredibly attractive.

  Kryten : [Thinking he's talking about Mechanoid Camille]  You do?

  Rimmer : Certainly.

  Kryten : Do you think I'm attractive?

  Rimmer : What, you? Of course not. You look like a giant, chewed-up, rubber-tipped pencil.

• Kryten : Mr. Lister, sir, would you be so kind as to take Camille's bag onboard?

  Dave Lister : Certainly, Kryten. Anything you say.

  Camille : Why my bag, Kryten?

  Kryten : Because you're getting on that craft with Hector, where you belong.

  Camille : No Kryten.

  Kryten : Now you've got to listen to me. Do you have any idea what you have to look forward to if you stay here?

  Camille : You're saying this only to make me go.

  Kryten : We both know you belong to Hector. You're part of his work - you're what keeps him going. If you're not on that craft when it leaves the hanger, you'll regret it - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon - for the rest of your life.

  Camille : What about us?

  Kryten : We'll always have Parrot's.

  Camille : Oh, Kryten.

  Kryten : I'm no good at being noble, kid, but it's pretty obvious that the problems of two blobs and an android don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy cosmos.

  Hector Blob : Are you ready, Camille?

  Camille : I'm ready. Goodbye, Kryton. God bless you.

• Kryten : Oh, spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska.

• Kryten : Sir, you're a smeeeee...

  Rimmer : A smeeee.

  Kryten : You're a smeuuu-heeee...

  Rimmer : A smeuuu-heeee...

  Kryten : A complete and total one.

• [on letting the love of his life get away] 

  Kryten : It's the old story: droid meets droid, droid becomes chameleon, droid loses chameleon, chameleon turns into blob, droid gets blob back again, blob meets blob, blob goes off with blob and droid loses blob, chameleon and droid. How many times have we heard that story?

• Dave Lister : [Teaching Kryten how to lie]  OK, let's try again. What is it?

  Kryten : It's a banana.

  Dave Lister : No, it isn't. What is it?

  Kryten : It's a banana?

  Dave Lister : No, it isn't. What is it?

  Kryten : It's an nnnnnnn... It's an nnnnnnn...

  Dave Lister : It's an orange. Come on, say it. This is an orange.

  Kryten : It's an nnnnnnn... It's an nnnnnnn... It's a banana. I can't say it!

• Camille : Please. I can't meet your shipmates. Trust me.

  Kryten : But you don't know them. You'll like them. Well, SOME of them. Well, ONE of them. Maybe.