Queer as Folk (TV Series)
Smells Like Codependence (2001)
Peter Paige: Emmett Honeycutt
Photos
Quotes
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Emmett Honeycutt : [someone's knocking on the door.] Woo... That must be prince charming.
[Emmett runs to the door, opens it, and finds Brian standing there.]
Emmett Honeycutt : Make that the Wicked Witch.
Michael Novotny : What are you doing here?
Brian Kinney : I'm hungry; let's go get something to eat.
Michael Novotny : I'm going to my Mom's, remember?
Brian Kinney : Oh, right, din-din with Doc. I forgot.
Michael Novotny : He's gonna be here any minute, so you better go.
Brian Kinney : [opens a box] What's this?
Michael Novotny : Chocolate Éclairs from the Big Q bakery. I bought them for dess...
Emmett Honeycutt : [Brian puts the whole bun into his mouth, in one single mouthful.] Wow, it takes years of practice, develop technique like that.
Michael Novotny : [comes over to Brian, taking over the box] Look, I know you don't like him...
Brian Kinney : Who said I don't like him? And why do you give a fuck what I think?
Emmett Honeycutt : I've been saying that for years.
Brian Kinney : What matters is what you think. If you like him, that's all that's important.
[looking at Emmett]
Brian Kinney : Even though he is... quite a bit older than you, and lives in a world you know nothing about.
Emmett Honeycutt : Shut-up!
Michael Novotny : Are you saying he's too good for me?
Brian Kinney : Nobody's too good for you, Mikey. You're better than anyone.
Michael Novotny : Because he happens to think I'm hot. You know, some people do!
Brian Kinney : Haven't I always told you that?
[kisses Michael on the lips]
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Michael Novotny : [David approaches Michael with a bouquet of flowers.] Hi.
[David kisses Michael on the lips. Michael is looking at the flowers]
Michael Novotny : These are great. My Mom will love these.
Dr. David Cameron : [laughs] Hers are in the car; those are for you.
Emmett Honeycutt : [comes over to get the flowers, whispering] The second sign: flowers.
[to David]
Emmett Honeycutt : I'll just put these in some water.
Dr. David Cameron : [puzzled] Everything alright?
Brian Kinney : He's allergic to boyfriends bringing bouquets.
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Emmett Honeycutt : I say if it walks like a boyfriend...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : ...and talks like a boyfriend...
Emmett Honeycutt , Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : ...Then it must be a boyfriend!
Brian Kinney : Would you two please shut the fuck up? I think it's great that Mikey's got a steady.
Michael Novotny : He's not a steady! We went out twice!
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Around here, that's a long-term relationship.
Emmett Honeycutt : The next thing you know, you'll be exchanging rings...
Brian Kinney : Hmmm... And then there'll be one of those commitment ceremonies; where like, all two hundred of the guests have slept with one, if not the both of the happy couple.
Emmett Honeycutt : Just, ehm, promise me you won't wear matching white suits.
Michael Novotny : There is no way that is ever going to happen.
Emmett Honeycutt : Well, then I suggest you, watch out for the warning signs.
Michael Novotny : What warning signs?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Like when he brings you flowers...
Emmett Honeycutt : ...or, or invites you away for a romantic weekend to the country.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Not that you'll see much beside the bedroom ceiling.
[Emmett laughs]
Brian Kinney : Your shot, Mikey.
Emmett Honeycutt : Oh, or the most tell-tell sign of all: When he meets your mother, and ah... she invites him over for dinner.
[Michael hits the cue ball right off the pool table.]
Emmett Honeycutt : Something the matter?
Michael Novotny : I lost my grip.
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Brian Kinney : [to Michael] Don't forget about this Friday.
Justin : What's this Friday?
Brian Kinney : You're too young to know.
Justin : Tell me!
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : It's just some heathen ritual called "Studs and Suds".
Justin : "Studs and Suds"? What's that?
[Brian looks over to Michael, and Michael shakes his head.]
Emmett Honeycutt : Well,
[clears throat]
Emmett Honeycutt : first, they flood the dance floor of Babylon with soap suds...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : ...then everyone strips down to their undies...
Emmett Honeycutt : ...Or less. And dances. Cheek to cheek...
[bumps Ted with his butt]
Justin : Sounds awesome!
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : It's disgusting!
Emmett Honeycutt : See you there?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Can't wait!
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Michael Novotny : [talking on the phone] It's my neck again. I can barely move it.
Emmett Honeycutt : [referring to Michael's clothes] Do you want the periwinkle, or the apricot?
Michael Novotny : [whispering to Emmett] Shhh!
Emmett Honeycutt : [also whispering] I think the apricot goes better with your eyes.
Michael Novotny : [gets back to the phone, pretending to be in agony] Ah... yeah, I... I think it'll be better in a couple of days. Oh, don't worry. I definitely plan on seeing my chiropractor. Thanks. Thanks. Bye.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : You know what grows when you lie.
Emmett Honeycutt : Too bad it's your nose.
Michael Novotny : I'm entitled to a couple of personal days.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Michael, you're entitled to a personal life!
Emmett Honeycutt : Alright, have you got everything?
Michael Novotny : Ah... Five pairs of jeans, seven shirts, four sweaters, and ten tees.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : How long are you going for?
Michael Novotny : The weekend.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Alright.
[walks over to Michael, taking things out from the bag]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : One change of undies, a pack of condoms, a tube of lube. There. You're all set.
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Michael Novotny : Remember when my Mom took me to Atlantic City, I got sick on all that saltwater taffy?
Emmett Honeycutt : Listen to him. He's got cold feet already.
Michael Novotny : I'm not getting cold feet! I just... don't know what to do for a whole weekend.
Emmett Honeycutt : Well, let's see. First you arrive...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Then you fuck.
Emmett Honeycutt : Then you unpack...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Then you fuck.
Emmett Honeycutt : Then you go berry picking.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Then you fuck.
Michael Novotny : I mean after you fuck
Emmett Honeycutt : You talk. You get to know each other.
Michael Novotny : What if I run out of things to say? What if I... say some stupid remark and he says, "Why am I up here with this jerk?". And what if...
Emmett Honeycutt : Hey! Hey! Would you please stop worrying?
Michael Novotny : I just want him to like me.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : He already does.
[pausing]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : He more than likes you.
Emmett Honeycutt : So you go, and you have a fabulous time. And... Bring us back some berries.
[Emmett puts his hand on Ted's shoulder. Michael smiles, and then Emmett starts groping Ted.]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : That's... not my berries.