Queer as Folk (TV Series)

Smells Like Codependence (2001)

Gale Harold: Brian Kinney

Photos 

Quotes 

• Emmett Honeycutt : [someone's knocking on the door.]  Woo... That must be prince charming.

  [Emmett runs to the door, opens it, and finds Brian standing there.] 

  Emmett Honeycutt : Make that the Wicked Witch.

  Michael Novotny : What are you doing here?

  Brian Kinney : I'm hungry; let's go get something to eat.

  Michael Novotny : I'm going to my Mom's, remember?

  Brian Kinney : Oh, right, din-din with Doc. I forgot.

  Michael Novotny : He's gonna be here any minute, so you better go.

  Brian Kinney : [opens a box]  What's this?

  Michael Novotny : Chocolate Éclairs from the Big Q bakery. I bought them for dess...

  Emmett Honeycutt : [Brian puts the whole bun into his mouth, in one single mouthful.]  Wow, it takes years of practice, develop technique like that.

  Michael Novotny : [comes over to Brian, taking over the box]  Look, I know you don't like him...

  Brian Kinney : Who said I don't like him? And why do you give a fuck what I think?

  Emmett Honeycutt : I've been saying that for years.

  Brian Kinney : What matters is what you think. If you like him, that's all that's important.

  [looking at Emmett] 

  Brian Kinney : Even though he is... quite a bit older than you, and lives in a world you know nothing about.

  Emmett Honeycutt : Shut-up!

  Michael Novotny : Are you saying he's too good for me?

  Brian Kinney : Nobody's too good for you, Mikey. You're better than anyone.

  Michael Novotny : Because he happens to think I'm hot. You know, some people do!

  Brian Kinney : Haven't I always told you that?

  [kisses Michael on the lips] 

• Michael Novotny : [David approaches Michael with a bouquet of flowers.]  Hi.

  [David kisses Michael on the lips. Michael is looking at the flowers] 

  Michael Novotny : These are great. My Mom will love these.

  Dr. David Cameron : [laughs]  Hers are in the car; those are for you.

  Emmett Honeycutt : [comes over to get the flowers, whispering]  The second sign: flowers.

  [to David] 

  Emmett Honeycutt : I'll just put these in some water.

  Dr. David Cameron : [puzzled]  Everything alright?

  Brian Kinney : He's allergic to boyfriends bringing bouquets.

• Emmett Honeycutt : I say if it walks like a boyfriend...

  Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : ...and talks like a boyfriend...

  Emmett Honeycutt , Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : ...Then it must be a boyfriend!

  Brian Kinney : Would you two please shut the fuck up? I think it's great that Mikey's got a steady.

  Michael Novotny : He's not a steady! We went out twice!

  Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Around here, that's a long-term relationship.

  Emmett Honeycutt : The next thing you know, you'll be exchanging rings...

  Brian Kinney : Hmmm... And then there'll be one of those commitment ceremonies; where like, all two hundred of the guests have slept with one, if not the both of the happy couple.

  Emmett Honeycutt : Just, ehm, promise me you won't wear matching white suits.

  Michael Novotny : There is no way that is ever going to happen.

  Emmett Honeycutt : Well, then I suggest you, watch out for the warning signs.

  Michael Novotny : What warning signs?

  Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Like when he brings you flowers...

  Emmett Honeycutt : ...or, or invites you away for a romantic weekend to the country.

  Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Not that you'll see much beside the bedroom ceiling.

  [Emmett laughs] 

  Brian Kinney : Your shot, Mikey.

  Emmett Honeycutt : Oh, or the most tell-tell sign of all: When he meets your mother, and ah... she invites him over for dinner.

  [Michael hits the cue ball right off the pool table.] 

  Emmett Honeycutt : Something the matter?

  Michael Novotny : I lost my grip.

• Justin : Guess what I got today.

  Brian Kinney : A new bell for your bicycle?

  Justin : A nipple ring...

  [showing Brian the ring] 

  Brian Kinney : Every piece of trash has something stuck through their ear, and their nose, or their belly button, their cock. What makes you think I'm even remotely interested that you have a ring through your tit?

• Brian Kinney : [to Michael]  Don't forget about this Friday.

  Justin : What's this Friday?

  Brian Kinney : You're too young to know.

  Justin : Tell me!

  Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : It's just some heathen ritual called "Studs and Suds".

  Justin : "Studs and Suds"? What's that?

  [Brian looks over to Michael, and Michael shakes his head.] 

  Emmett Honeycutt : Well,

  [clears throat] 

  Emmett Honeycutt : first, they flood the dance floor of Babylon with soap suds...

  Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : ...then everyone strips down to their undies...

  Emmett Honeycutt : ...Or less. And dances. Cheek to cheek...

  [bumps Ted with his butt] 

  Justin : Sounds awesome!

  Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : It's disgusting!

  Emmett Honeycutt : See you there?

  Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Can't wait!

• Brian Kinney : [talking on the phone]  Six Fuller Court, corner of Tremont. Should take you... ten minutes? One for every inch!

  [he hangs up; there're knocking sounds on Brian's door - he opens it, and sees Michael standing there, smiling.] 

  Brian Kinney : You got laid.

  Michael Novotny : I did not.

  Brian Kinney : Yes, you did. I can always tell. I thought you and Dave were having dinner at Deb's.

  Michael Novotny : Dinner's over.

  Brian Kinney : What? Did she scare him off?

  Michael Novotny : Actually, she and Vic were in their best behavior.

  Brian Kinney : That's even scarier. Listen, you can't stay. I've got someone coming over in approximate seven and a half inches. So... see you tomorrow at "Studs and Suds"?

• Brian Kinney : [on the phone]  I told you, six Fuller, Corner of Tremont. Now get your ass over here. I've got this new dildo. Nine inches long, seven inches around. I'm gonna open up your hole with it and I'm gonna fuck you so hard, your eyes'll roll back in your head.

• Justin : [talking about Brian getting in an accident]  Oh my god. It was my dad. I know it. When I saw his car, it was totally smashed!

  Melanie : Now why would your father want to do something like that?

  Justin : Because my Mom told him everything. He wants to have you arrested and send me away.

  Brian Kinney : Don't be a drama princess.

• Ted Schmidt : You always seem to enjoy yourself when Michael's here. Well, I guess it's not as much fun scoring without your little audience of one, is it? As the great French philosopher Roquefort, or was it Camembert, once said, "It is not enough to trick, your best friend must also go home alone".

  Brian Kinney : Fuck you. I haven't thought about Michael once tonight.

  Ted Schmidt : Hey, what do you know! Just like when he's here!