Queer as Folk (TV Series)
The Art of Desperation (2001)
Peter Paige: Emmett Honeycutt
Photos
Quotes
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Emmett Honeycutt : [Emmett meets David for the first time.] Oh my God. That guy over there looks exactly like Matthew McConaughey. Maybe he smokes pot, naked.
[to David]
Emmett Honeycutt : Excuse me!
Dr. David Cameron : [laughs] He doesn't hold anything back.
Michael : He was toning it down for you.
Brian : [sits on Michael's lap] Where the fuck have you been?
Michael : Brian, this is David.
Brian : Oh, fuck me, the new beau!
Dr. David Cameron : I've heard a lot about you.
Brian : I've heard a lot about you too. Sixteen right, eleven left?
Dr. David Cameron : Excuse me?
Michael : Nothing.
[to Brian]
Michael : You're tweaked, what are you on?
Brian : Oh, E, K, G.H.B. Most of the letters on "Sesame Street".
Michael : You'll get dehydrated, taking all that shit. I'm gonna get you some water.
[to David]
Michael : You want a beer?
Dr. David Cameron : Sure.
[Michael leaves]
Dr. David Cameron : You've got him well trained.
Brian : Well, he takes care of me, and I take care of him. So, Doc, do you fuck all of your patients?
Dr. David Cameron : Well, if you're referring to Michael I released him from my care, before we went out together. What about you? What do you do?
Brian : Advertising.
Dr. David Cameron : Well, you must know a thing or two about screwing people yourself.
Brian : Yeah, I could do it in my sleep.
Dr. David Cameron : I bet you could.
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Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : [Ted and Emmett are at Torso, where Emmett is checking out new clothes.] I'm out.
Emmett Honeycutt : At work? That's fabulous.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : I'm out of the scene, I mean. I've made up my mind. No more bars, no more baths, no more clubs... You'll never see my face at Babylon again.
Emmett Honeycutt : Oh, please. You can't let one little drug-induced coma get you down.
[putting on a tee]
Emmett Honeycutt : What do you think?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : You look unbelievably trashy.
Emmett Honeycutt : Tuck me into it. I'll buy it.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : You missed my point entirely. Everything we do, even the clothes we wear, is a conscious or, worse yet, unconscious attempt to get laid.
Emmett Honeycutt : Yes, it's true. There's an overemphasis on sex. But why not buy two sizes too small and come with it?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Because, tragically, some of us were not born to wear Lycra.
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Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : [reading from the ad in the paper] "Date Bait. Meet other single gay man in a civilized evening of conversation. No pick-ups, no face-to-face rejection". They have an over thirty night.
Emmett Honeycutt : Where? The morgue?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : And just for that, you're going with me.
Emmett Honeycutt : I am not over thirty!
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : And I am not going alone.
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Emmett Honeycutt : Faggots, faggots everywhere, and not a drop to drink. I can honestly say I have no desire to have sex with any of these people.
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Me neither. That's a start.
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Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : [Ted is admiring Roger, who's playing the piano.] He plays beautifully, doesn't he?
Emmett Honeycutt : I'm all a tingle. So have you two had sex yet?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : No!
[whispering]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Would you keep your voice down?
Emmett Honeycutt : Well, when are you?
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : When we both know it's the right thing to do.
Emmett Honeycutt : Sex is never the right thing to do! Feeding the poor is the right thing to do; hiring the handicapped is the right thing to do; donating blood... is the right...
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Alright, alright, you made your point.
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Brian : [to Justin and Daphne] Oh, look, it's the cast of "Zoom".
Daphne Chanders : We're celebrating. Justin sold some of his art today.
Justin Taylor : The one of you... naked.
Michael : Who'd buy that?
Emmett Honeycutt : Probably some desperate queen who's always pined for you.
Brian : Oh, Ted, how thoughtful.
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Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : I was rejected by everybody.
[Emmett looks unsure]
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : It's good to be back!
Emmett Honeycutt : [to Ted] Let's get you a cock-tail!
Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Okay.
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Emmett Honeycutt : I didn't know he could draw.
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny : Oh, he can't. I bought him tracing paper when he was a kid so he could copy his comic books. His Spiderman always ended up looking more like little orphan Annie.
Emmett Honeycutt : Well, what's his talent?
Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny : Well, it's nothing he'd be famous for. You won't ever see his paintings hanging in an art gallery or hear him playing at Carnegie Hall. But when it comes to taking care of people, knowing what you need better even than you do, he's a fucking Picasso.