Queer as Folk (TV Series)
The Art of Desperation (2001)
Gale Harold: Brian Kinney
Quotes
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Michael : [looking at the drawing of Brian] I think the artist has taken some liberties.
Brian : Well, it's a perfect likeness.
Michael : Come on, it was never that big.
Brian : Hey, you haven't seen it in a long time.
Michael : I haven't seen "Gone With The Wind" in a long time either, but I know it's still three and half hours.
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Emmett Honeycutt : [Emmett meets David for the first time.] Oh my God. That guy over there looks exactly like Matthew McConaughey. Maybe he smokes pot, naked.
[to David]
Emmett Honeycutt : Excuse me!
Dr. David Cameron : [laughs] He doesn't hold anything back.
Michael : He was toning it down for you.
Brian : [sits on Michael's lap] Where the fuck have you been?
Michael : Brian, this is David.
Brian : Oh, fuck me, the new beau!
Dr. David Cameron : I've heard a lot about you.
Brian : I've heard a lot about you too. Sixteen right, eleven left?
Dr. David Cameron : Excuse me?
Michael : Nothing.
[to Brian]
Michael : You're tweaked, what are you on?
Brian : Oh, E, K, G.H.B. Most of the letters on "Sesame Street".
Michael : You'll get dehydrated, taking all that shit. I'm gonna get you some water.
[to David]
Michael : You want a beer?
Dr. David Cameron : Sure.
[Michael leaves]
Dr. David Cameron : You've got him well trained.
Brian : Well, he takes care of me, and I take care of him. So, Doc, do you fuck all of your patients?
Dr. David Cameron : Well, if you're referring to Michael I released him from my care, before we went out together. What about you? What do you do?
Brian : Advertising.
Dr. David Cameron : Well, you must know a thing or two about screwing people yourself.
Brian : Yeah, I could do it in my sleep.
Dr. David Cameron : I bet you could.
-
Michael : I totally blew it.
Brian : Don't worry, there's still plenty of creepy, old man out there who'd love to get in your pants.
Michael : He wasn't that old. He wasn't creepy; he was nice. First doctor...
Brian : Chiropractor.
Michael : That counts. I think.
[they are interrupted by the owner of the comic bookstore.]
Comic Store Worker : Ah... We got in the new "Catwoman".
Michael : Cool!
[the guy walks away after showing Michael the comic book.]
Michael : He takes me this really nice restaurant, I behave like a fucking idiot, dressed up like some slick asshole.
Brian : Hey! That was my twelve hundred dollar leather jacket.
Michael : It wasn't me. You know why, Because I'm nobody. That's my problem.
[Brian is checking out the owner of the shop.]
Michael : Are you even listening to me?
Brian : I tune out self-pity, it makes my dick soft. And we wouldn't want that, would we?
Michael : Just forget I said anything. Oh, wow! Look, it's the new Eletra Woman doll. I'm gonna buy this for Gus.
Brian : Don't. I don't want a gay kid.
Michael : He's being raised by two lesbians. He's going to need a feminine influence. Besides, it'll be a collector's item.
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Brian : [Brian knocks on the door. Melanie opens it, and a doll greets her.] I got something for Gus.
Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : [laughing] That's so sweet. We'll call Michael later to thank him.
Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : How long have you been drawing?
Justin Taylor : My Mom brought me crayons when I was still in the crib. I never stopped.
Brian : What's he doing here?
Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : We ran into each other on the street.
Justin Taylor : It was like this weird coincidence.
Brian : I bet.
Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : [looking at Justin's drawings] You know, these are good!
Justin Taylor : That's what my Mother says.
Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : Lindsay's an art teacher.
Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : For someone your age, you have an amazing feel for the human form.
Brian : I've noticed that myself.
[throws a teddy bear at Justin]
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Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : You know, there's going to be an art show at G.L.C.
Justin Taylor : What's that?
Brian : The Gay and Lesbian Center.
[Justin frowns.]
Brian : Safe haven for fags who can't get laid.
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Brian : Good. Give him some activity so he'll stop stalking me.
[throws the bear at him again]
Justin Taylor : Don't flatter yourself.
Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : [laughs] Oh, we like Justin. Justin can stay.
Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : We'll make sure everyone comes.
[to Brian]
Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : including you.
Brian : Bitch.
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Brian : Fuck groups.
Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : I thought you did.
Brian : Occasionally. But it's by invitation... only.
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Brian : [to Justin and Daphne] Oh, look, it's the cast of "Zoom".
Daphne Chanders : We're celebrating. Justin sold some of his art today.
Justin Taylor : The one of you... naked.
Michael : Who'd buy that?
Emmett Honeycutt : Probably some desperate queen who's always pined for you.
Brian : Oh, Ted, how thoughtful.