Queer as Folk (TV Series)

No Bris, No Shirt, No Service (2000)

Gale Harold: Brian Kinney

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Quotes 

• Michael : So why punish him by not going?

  Brian : Look, it's not if he's gonna know I'm not there.

  Michael : Can't be sure. I read some place...

  Brian : Where? Marvel Comics?

  Michael : ...that infants respond to things even while still in the womb. For instance, tension and discord affect them adversely, while playing Mozart and stuff like that makes 'em super smart.

  Brian : Well how do you think listening to the sound of two dikes go down on each other for the past nine months has affected him? Christ. He'll probably grow up to be straight.

  Michael : All the more reason why he needs his dad!

• Brian : I told you. I'm not going to the muncher's brunch. And that's final!

  Michael : Look, it's not for them. It's for you son.

  Brian : My son? He's only my son when they want my money.

• Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : What the hell do you think you're doing? Barging in here, interrupting a religious ceremony?

  Brian : You should have asked my permission first!

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : For what?

  Brian : To circumcise my son!

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : We don't have to ask your permission. We're the parents!

  Brian : And I'm the biological father. And that gives me more rights than you.

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : I see someone's been studying his law.

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : Look, this is no time to be having this conversation! We have a house full of guests.

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : Yeah, and since when did you start caring about your son? Considering you haven't been to see him once since he was born.

  Brian : Well, I'm not exactly welcome.

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : Oh, bull shit! You've been too busy fucking everything that moves!

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : Could we please stop this? Why does it matter to you if Gus is circumcised?

  Brian : It matters that he's been in this world less than a week and already there are people who won't accept him for the way he is. Who'd even mutilate him rather than let him be the way he is. The way he was born. Well, I'm not gonna let that happen.

• Brian : Deb, can we get some service?

  Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny : Keep your pants on, at least until you've had dinner.

• Michael : I'm not baby-sitting him again. This time he's all yours!

  Brian : What?

  Michael : He's over there talking to my mother, you little prick!

  Brian : Leave him alone. He's alright.

  Michael : ... Excuse me? The noise is so loud in here, I thought I heard you said he's alright.

  Brian : In fact, it's kind of sweet.

  Michael : Sweet? I thought we got rid of him. I thought he was out of our lives.

• Michael : What the fuck did you do that for? You practically got us engaged!

  Brian : Well, I want to dance with the bride at her wedding. And Tracy too.

  Michael : Shit!

• Emmett Honeycutt : Time to organize a search party.

  Michael : Who's missing?

  Emmett Honeycutt : Katsuo! I was talking to Dungeon Master Don, who wants to mummify me. Have you noticed that the world's getting weirder? Anyway, I turned around, and he was gone.

  Michael : I have a feeling he'll be alright.

  Emmett Honeycutt : He doesn't speak a word of English! And... and he's so sweet, so innocent. What if some hot, hungry queen tries to have his way with it?

  Brian : I thought you already did.

  Michael : He's around somewhere. Im sure you'll find him.

  Emmett Honeycutt : Thanks.

• Brian : [to Michael]  Target sighted. All systems go. See you later, Mikey.

• Emmett Honeycutt : The worst part is not that he's unfaithful, or even a slut. I mean, nobody's perfect. It's that he said he loved me. I mean, he lied to me!

  Brian : How could he lie to you? He doesn't speak English!

  Michael : Look, I'm the one who told you that. I'm sorry.

  Emmett Honeycutt : My own fault. Why do I always give my heart away to trash, huh?

  Brian : Because you want to see it in the dumpster?