Queer as Folk (TV Series)

No Bris, No Shirt, No Service (2000)

Michelle Clunie: Melanie Marcus

Photos 

Quotes 

• Katsuo : [Katsuo talks away in Japanese.]  Kane. Kane.

  Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : ...Yeah, okay, alright. Let's go ask Melanie. She's fluent in sushi. Come, come, come, come.

  [guiding him to Melanie] 

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : [talking to someone on camera]  Ha-ha... Okay, have a bagel.

  Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Mel. Hi, Mel. Okay, and cut. Great! Look, we need you to translate.

  [to Katsuo] 

  Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : Talk to Melanie. Melanie speak all Axis Powers.

  [Katsuo begins to tell his story while Melanie listens.] 

  Michael : He keeps saying "Kane".

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : Yeah...

  [pulling Michael away from Katsuo] 

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : "Kane" is money! He's saying he expects Emmett to pay him.

  Michael : For what?

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : He's a God damned male prostitute!

  Michael : Oh, shit!

  Katsuo : [Emmett walks over to Katsuo before Michael could stop him.]  Kane!

  Emmett Honeycutt : Come, come, sweetie.

  Michael : Melanie says, "Kane" means...

  [long pause] 

  Michael : ..."love". He says he loves your voice. It's like a silent wind chime, and your smile is like cherry blossoms floating on a still breeze.

  Emmett Honeycutt : That... That is... That is the most beautiful thing that anyone has ever said to me.

• Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : This is Rabbi Protesh. He'll be doing the brisk.

  Emmett Honeycutt : Oh, I love pot roast.

  [Rabbi Protesh laughs.] 

  Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt : That's "brisket"! I believe in the Jewish faith the "brisk" is a circumcision ceremony.

• Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : What the hell do you think you're doing? Barging in here, interrupting a religious ceremony?

  Brian : You should have asked my permission first!

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : For what?

  Brian : To circumcise my son!

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : We don't have to ask your permission. We're the parents!

  Brian : And I'm the biological father. And that gives me more rights than you.

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : I see someone's been studying his law.

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : Look, this is no time to be having this conversation! We have a house full of guests.

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : Yeah, and since when did you start caring about your son? Considering you haven't been to see him once since he was born.

  Brian : Well, I'm not exactly welcome.

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : Oh, bull shit! You've been too busy fucking everything that moves!

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : Could we please stop this? Why does it matter to you if Gus is circumcised?

  Brian : It matters that he's been in this world less than a week and already there are people who won't accept him for the way he is. Who'd even mutilate him rather than let him be the way he is. The way he was born. Well, I'm not gonna let that happen.

• Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : [Melanie and Lindsay walk in, Melanie's pissed.]  Should I freeze this or toss it?

  [Melanie slams the dish on the counter, then storms to the dining room.] 

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : I'd rather not have it around when i'm trying to get back into shape...

  [Lindsay walks into the dining room.] 

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : So how long is this gonna go on? Or do you plan never to speak to me ever again?

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : [slams dish]  What would you like me to say?

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : Anything.

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : All right, how about "I have a house full of uneaten cold cuts and an uncircumcised son"! How's that?

  [picks up some plates and storms to the kitchen] 

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : [sips some orange juice]  Look,

  [follows Melanie into the kitchen] 

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : Brian's gonna take out the insurance policy. At least he's agreed to do that. That's something, isn't it?

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : Oh, my consolation prize!

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : Well, it was important enough to you last week!

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : So was this afternoon. But now I have been humiliated in front of our friends, my relatives, Rabbi Protesh... Where's the goddamn plastic wrap?

  [Lindsay hands it to her, Melanie snatches out of Lindsay's hand.] 

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : And you let him do it!

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : Me?

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : You're the one who decided to call off the brisk. Of course, I know it's not very important to you or Brian but it happens to be a very important ritual in my family.

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : You know there are a lot of men who think circumcision is a cruel and barbaric practice?

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : [slams the refrigerator shut]  I don't care what men think about their dicks! I care that you put Brian before me. But, you know, why should I be surprised? You always have!

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : Oh, for Christ's sake, are we really gonna go through this again? I don't want to have this conversation!

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : Yeah, and I didn't want Brian to be the baby's father in the first place. But no, you had to have it your way. It had to be Brian or no one! So now he's a part of our lives forever! Whether we like it or not!

• Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : Look, it doesn't matter who's right. We can't allow Brian to come between us as much as he'd like to.

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : And you know he would.

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : Even if he is the Father, we're still the parents. You and me. Gus belongs to us. And that's why we had him.

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : No, you had him. Aside from saying 'push and breathe' I really don't have that much to do with it.

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : You had everything to do with it. I never would have had him without you. Just remember that next time you're wondering who comes first.