- A fitness instructor is placed in Bilko's platoon. To get rid of him and to make some money, Bilko tries to get him cast in a Tarzan movie. To do this, Bilko tries to fix it so his man wins the Mr. Universe contest. First step: he hires a woman ('Lucille Ball' in a cameo appearance!) to scream when his man goes on stage. When this fails, he dresses Doberman up in a gorilla suit to fight his "Tarzan". Col. Hall sees the "gorilla" and soon has the whole camp hunting for him.—Jim Taylor
- Colonel Hall has a fitness buff named Private Forbes transferred to Bilko's outfit in hopes that Bilko and the boys will become more physically fit, and Bilko tries to get rid of him by entering him in a nationwide search for a new "Tarzan". When the new man tells Bilko he has already entered himself into the annual Mr. Universe contest in Santa Monica, California, Bilko comes up with a plan so that Forbes can do both without even knowing it..
Lucille Ball makes a rare and hilarious cameo appearance.
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