Peep Show (TV Series)

Jeremy Makes It (2004)

David Mitchell: Mark Corrigan

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  It's OK, he doesn't have any feelings. Racists don't have feelings, they're subhuman.

• [They're trying to threaten Gog into giving them their money] 

  Super Hans : Nice packet of Crunchy Nut you got here. Pretty expensive, as I recall.

  [he pours the cereal onto the floor] 

  Jeremy Usborne : [brandishing baseball bat at Gog]  Not so rich and successful now with a piece of wood in your face, hmm?

  Mark Corrigan : Look, Jeremy, we can come back again, he's got the message. You're gonna pay, aren't you?

  Gog : No.

  Mark Corrigan : All right then, we've got our answer. Let's go!

  Super Hans : We've got to hurt him on principle. Hit him with the fucking bat, Jez.

  Jeremy Usborne : Why do I have to? Why don't you do it? Punch him with the glove.

  Super Hans : [holding up his hand wearing a baseball glove]  Punch him? I can't even make a fist!

  Mark Corrigan : This is the whole point about contract law, the whole point of a contract is to make sure this kind of thing never happens!

• [Hans is in the kitchen smoking crack] 

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  God, what is he taking? Better not disturb him, he might attack me and be sick.

  Mark Corrigan : Er, Jeremy!

  Jeremy Usborne : What?

  Mark Corrigan : What's Hans doing?

  Jeremy Usborne : He's honking on his crack pipe.

  Mark Corrigan : Crack! I've got company.

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh relax. "Oh I'm Mark, I'm in the eighties, I'm dying of heroin in a puddle in the corner in an advert." Drugs are fine, Mark, everyone agrees now. Drugs are what happen to people and that's fine, so shut up.

• Mark Corrigan : [speaking to Darryl over the intercom from the recording booth]  Darryl, listen, the truth is... I can't be associated with you anymore because you're a racist.

  Darryl : What? But I thought we were on the same wavelength. You know, the sausage, the Euro, Clarkson.

  Mark Corrigan : There's a difference, Darryl, you can't hate people because of their ethnic background!

  Darryl : Oh right, political correctness gone mad.

  Mark Corrigan : No, I hate political correctness gone mad more than anyone! I don't want to teach the world to sing, that would be horrible, but slavery? The Holocaust? That's just not on! Whereas, "I have a dream", South Africa, Benetton... you've got to say... "Fair enough", yeah?

  Darryl : Yeah. OK, no. Fair enough. You've talked me round.

  Mark Corrigan : I have?

  Darryl : Fuck off. Thought police.

• Jeremy Usborne : [On finishing recording at studio]  Brilliant, fantastic! What did you think Hans?

  Super Hans : Crack. Just gimme crack.

  Jeremy Usborne : Well I loved it.

  [Begins to exit studio] 

  Mark Corrigan : Jeremy, don't just go...

  Super Hans : I'll suck for crack!

  Jeremy Usborne : Yeh, c'mon Super Hans, let's get you some crack.

• [Mark and his new friend Darryl are horsing around in the JLB Credit offices instead of working] 

  Darryl : I'm Barnes Wallis, you're the Ruhr!

  [Darryl pushes a load of empty water cooler containers down the stairs at Mark. They throw scrunched up pieces of paper at each other, laughing] 

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  I'm the Ruhr! And no one's actually said the word "Dambusters"! This is bloody brilliant! I'm having fun! And I'm not thinking about Sophie!

• Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Oh God, I'm even boring when I'm a Nazi.

• [Mark is being questioned by Johnson about the sausage that was pinned to Ian Krauss' office door] 

  Johnson : It's very embarrassing. And since Ian Krauss is of German extraction, it has to be treated as a racial incident.

  Mark Corrigan : Ian's a...? A racial incident? But why?

  Johnson : Oh come on, Mark. Germans? Sausages? Do I have to spell it out? The sausage-munching Boche. Fritz, the bratwurst guzzler.

  Mark Corrigan : Of course. Horrible.

• Jeremy Usborne : Why did you have to bring Darryl? He's a bit... boring, isn't he?

  Mark Corrigan : Oh, boring? What, because he doesn't go around with... a haircut and an iPod and... piercings and a... strap-on?

  Jeremy Usborne : Strap-on?

  Mark Corrigan : It's an example.

• Jeremy Usborne : How are you feeling, Super Hans?

  Super Hans : Fine. Totally fine.

  Mark Corrigan : You've kicked the crack?

  Super Hans : No, except now I bang a load of Valium up me arsehole for the comedown.

• Darryl : And they're treating it as a racial incident? Bloody hell, next you won't be able to get a black coffee from the coffee machine.

  Mark Corrigan : Exactly! And they'll have a bloody EU banana-straightening machine to straighten all the bananas!

  Darryl : Hey, there's already a banana-straightening machine, it's called woman.