Peep Show (TV Series)

On the Pull (2003)

Robert Webb: Jeremy Usborne

Quotes 

• Jeremy Usborne : Listen, this is the perfect time to get back in the game, you know? Two guys, together, out, looking for... it.

  Mark Corrigan : No, thank you. I mean, how much pain can I experience sitting at home with a spaghetti carbonara and Das Boot?

  Jeremy Usborne : Look, it's a 8 o'clock on a Friday night, most people don't do their shopping right now, most people are out right now, yeah?

  Mark Corrigan : That's right, no queues. So who exactly is winning, eh?

• Toni : How dare she criticise Peter Gabriel. With her little "screw-me" haircut and all so...

  [pulls a face and makes a silly "ni-ni-ni-ni" noise] 

  Toni : You know, he single-handedly created WOMAD?

  Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  Oh God, please stop talking about Peter Gabriel.

• Jeremy Usborne : We've got to get out there, grooving it, doing it, you know? It's been a long time for either of us. I mean, I haven't had my oats in something like... two weeks!

  [voiceover] 

  Jeremy Usborne : Nine months and thirteen days.

• Jeremy Usborne : So, girls, what's the weirdest place you've ever done it?

  Toni : I had a steward eat me at the multi-faith area at Dubai airport. God, that was depressing.

• [Toni is having sex with Jez while her estranged husband is in the flat collecting his things] 

  Jeremy Usborne : Couldn't we close the door?

  Toni : The idea of getting caught turns me on!

  Jeremy Usborne : But we've already been caught.

  Tony : [from another room]  What about the cappuccino machine?

  Toni : You're NEVER... TAKING... THE GAGGIA!

• Jeremy Usborne : What? It's eat as much you can, you know.

  Toni : No, it's eat as much you like. There's no competitive element implied.

  Jeremy Usborne : At £3.99 I think I know who's winning.

• Jeremy Usborne : You realise that tinned food is just for crackheads and wars?

• Mark Corrigan : [putting back the bottle of olive oil Jez has picked off the shelf]  Oh, oh, no, no, mate, this stuff's 78 pence a 100 milliliters.

  Jeremy Usborne : Well, yeah. I mean, it's first pressing. Or do you want to wait til everyone else has had their fun with the olives? Fourth pressing. Yeah, like that's gonna be a party in your mouth, I don't think!

• Jeremy Usborne : [picking up a box of tissues from Mark's shopping trolley]  Look at us, people are going to think we spend the whole time wanking!

  Mark Corrigan : Don't be ridiculous. They're homey. They're for wiping up mess.

  Jeremy Usborne : Yeah, man mess. Why do you think they're called Man-Size?

  Mark Corrigan : They're for men. Men's noses. Big manly snot.