Peep Show (TV Series)

The Interview (2003)

Robert Webb: Jeremy Usborne

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  Clerical Assistant? I can't be a Clerical Assistant, I'm a musician. You wouldn't ask The Chemical Brothers to do your laundry for you, they'd be off their tits.

• Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Workshy freeloader.

  Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  Tight-fisted cockmuncher.

• Jeremy Usborne : Ah, you see! He did do it, but for a nice reason. Who's the racist now, Mark?

  Mark Corrigan : [leaving an answerphone message]  Er, Sophie, if you heard that, please ignore it. I'm not a racist, far from it. Anyway... it's good to hear your voice. I know it's only a recording but you have got a bloody nice voice and... God, uh, I just called up to say hi and then...

  [sings awkwardly] 

  Mark Corrigan : Then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like... I like you.

  [pause] 

  Mark Corrigan : I mean, not that. But anyway, I noticed that the paper in the photocopier is running a bit low so, I know it's not really your job but, you know, so... see you tomorrow.

  [puts the phone down] 

  Mark Corrigan : Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh, fuck!

  Mark Corrigan : Oh, my God.

  Jeremy Usborne : Jesus!

  Mark Corrigan : I've really fucked it. Have I fucked it?

  Jeremy Usborne : Maybe it was charming.

  Mark Corrigan : It was the behaviour of an oddball.

  Jeremy Usborne : No, not an oddball, a maverick... um, you may not play by the rules but, by Christ you get results.

• [At the job interview] 

  Barbara Bingham : Well, I guess that's everything. Jeremy, is there anything you'd like to ask?

  Jeremy Usborne : Yes, Barbara. Yes, there is. Barbara, how much washing-up do you think you could do without any washing-up liquid?

  Mark Corrigan : No, Jeremy.

  Barbara Bingham : Where's this...

  Jeremy Usborne : It's a unique business opportunity.

  Mark Corrigan : It's pyramid selling, Barbara, I'm very sorry.

  Jeremy Usborne : It's not pyramid selling, Mark. It's...

  Mark Corrigan : It's pyramid selling and you're making a fool of yourself!

  Jeremy Usborne : You're pissing on my bonfire!

  Mark Corrigan : There is no bonfire!

  Jeremy Usborne : Because you keep pissing on it!

  Mark Corrigan : This is low. This is really low.

  Jeremy Usborne : Yeah, well, at least I don't fancy elves and pixies!

  Mark Corrigan : What does that mean? I literally have no idea what that is supposed to mean!

• [Jeremy and Super Hans are having a musical disagreement] 

  Super Hans : Oh right, well this is it, is it? This is the end of the Hair Blair Bunch?

  Jeremy Usborne : We are not the Hair Blair Bunch.

  Super Hans : Whatever, sorry, this is the end of Spunk Bubble.

  Jeremy Usborne : This is the end of Momma's Kumquat.

  Super Hans : This is not the end of Momma's Kumquat, Jez, because I never agreed to it being Momma's Kumquat.

  Jeremy Usborne : Look, if this is it, if this is John and Paul, 1970, then I need money for the equipment.

  Super Hans : This is like your whole Balearic bullshit, innit? One minute it's all "Oh, I love you man" the next, it's "Where that 50 quid you owe me?"

  Jeremy Usborne : Look I'm just saying I need money and...

  Super Hans : Hey listen mate, shit is as shit does my friend.

  [He starts to leave but then turns around] 

  Super Hans : Oh look Jez, I'm sorry mate, this is all bullshit. We can't just let the Hair Blair Bunch...

  Jeremy Usborne : We are not the Hair Blair Bunch!

• Jeremy Usborne : Super Hans says he's come up with a bass loop for our track that is so good, that when he tried turning it off, he literally couldn't do it. He actually physically couldn't do it.

• [Jeremy is masturbating while looking at Mark's "Fantasy Figure Modeller" magazine] 

  Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  I'm a dirty hobbit and she's a sexy elf, so she might be "Ohh, you dirty hobbit. Take off my bodkin and my jerkin." Oh yeah. Pixie ears. But that sword, what if she was a hobbit slayer? I'd just use my enchanted amulet. Yeah... yield to me, hobbit slayer. You will touch my magic cock.

• [at a job interview] 

  Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  Shit, what's she talking about? Nod. Look serious. I'm Di, she's Bashir.

• Toni : The first thing to say is that this is definitely not pyramid selling, OK?

  Jeremy Usborne : Right, good. What's pyramid selling?

• Jeremy Usborne : Are you trying to piss on my bonfire?

  Mark Corrigan : I'm trying to protect you from... pissing all over yourself.

  Jeremy Usborne : I'm not about to piss all over myself. I'm... I'm pissing into the big time.