The Office (TV Series)

New Girl (2001)

Mackenzie Crook: Gareth Keenan

Quotes 

• [Discussing Donna's relationship with Ricky] 

  Gareth : It's not as if she's your daughter or anything though...

  David Brent : No but that's not the point. It's the principle, it was about respect.

  Gareth : Showing a bit of respect...

  David Brent : And while she's under my roof, she will obey my laws, so...

  Gareth : Showing respect by obeying the law. She's legal, though.

  David Brent : What?

  Gareth : When cherries are red, they're ready for plucking. When girls are 16 they're ready for...

  David Brent : "Gareth."

• [Donna & Ricky's relationship has been exposed] 

  Donna : So now you know.

  David Brent : Yep. Brilliant.

  Donna : What? You got a problem with Ricky?

  David Brent : No, no, sleep with everyone in the office. He's not even a permanent member of staff. I'd have preferred it if you'd slept with Gareth.

  Donna : It wouldn't happen.

  David Brent : Oh Why? 'Cos he didn't go to university?

  Donna : No, 'Cos he's a little weasel-faced arse.

  David Brent : Yeah, you could do worse then Gareth. He hasn't missed one day in this office due to ill health. And don't call my second-in-command an arse-faced weasel, please?

  Donna : A weasel-faced arse.

  David Brent : Same thing.

  Donna : Well no it's not. Gareth would you rather have a face like an arse or a face like a weasel?

  Gareth : A weasel probably.

• David Brent : And don't call my second in command an ass-faced-weasel.

  Donna : A weasel faced ass.

  David Brent : Same thing.

  Donna : Well know it's not, would you rather have a face like an ass or a face like a weasel?

  Gareth Keenan : [thinks about it]  A weasel probably.