The Office (TV Series)

Downsize (2001)

Ricky Gervais: David Brent

Photos 

Quotes 

• David Brent : This is Sanj, this guy does the best Ali G impersonation, Aiiieee. I can't do it, go on, do it

  Sanj : I don't, must be someone else

  David Brent : Oh, sorry, it's the other one...

  Sanj : The other what... Paki?

  David Brent : Ah, that's racist.

• [Tim as a joke has put Gareth's stapler in a jelly] 

  Gareth : Tim's put my stapler inside a jelly again. That's the third time he's done it. It wasn't even funny the first time.

  David Brent : Why has he done that?

  Gareth : I told him once that I don't like jelly. I don't trust the way it moves.

  David Brent : Yeah. You showed him a weakness - he pounced. You should know about that... What is in there?

  Gareth : It's my stapler.

  [Gareth plunges his hand in to fish out the stapler] 

  David Brent : Well, don't do that... eat it out. There's people starving in the world, which I hate... and it's a waste so... How do you know it's yours?

  Gareth : It's got my name on it in Tipp-Ex.

  David Brent : Okay, don't eat it now then... chemicals.

• David Brent : This is the accounts department, the number bods. Do not be fooled by their job descriptions, they are absolutely mad, all of 'em. Especially that one, he's mental. Not literally of course, that wouldn't work. Last place you'd want someone like that is in accounts...

• David Brent : What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It's the people, investment in people. My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No. It was a young Greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went 'Mr Brent, will you be the Godfather to my child?' Didn't happen in the end. We had to let him go, he was rubbish. He was rubbish.

• Gareth : I'm assistant regional manager.

  David Brent : Assistant to the regional manager.

• David Brent : I haven't got a sign on the door that says 'white people only'. I don't care if you're black, brown, yellow - Orientals make very good workers.

• David Brent : Professionalism is... and that is what I want.

• David Brent : If a good man comes to me, and says thank you David, for the opportunity and continued support in the work-related arena, but I've done that, I wanna better myself, I wanna move on, then I can make that dream come true, to, AKA, for you.

• David Brent : I'm going to have to let you go first.

  Dawn : What? Why?

  David Brent : Why? Stealing. Thieving.

  Dawn : Thieving? What am I meant to have stolen?

  David Brent : Post-It notes.