The Odd Couple (TV Series)

Good, Bad Boy (1972)

Jack Klugman: Oscar Madison

Quotes 

• Oscar Madison : [Felix doesn't want his 12-year-old daughter to go to a Boys Correctional School dance on her first date]  Felix, she is no dummy. She knows the score. Doesn't she know the score?

  Felix Unger : You mean that filth about the birds and the bees?

  Oscar Madison : She doesn't know the score!... Would you feel better if she knew the facts of life?

  Felix Unger : Well, I, I...

  Oscar Madison : All right, get Gloria to tell her.

  Felix Unger : [rejecting the idea that his ex-wife should give Edna 'The Talk']  No!

  Oscar Madison : Why not? Gloria told you!

  Edna Unger : [Felix finally agrees that Oscar should do the job, but his first attempts fall short]  I don't get it.

  Oscar Madison : OK, let's forget about Mr Bunny and Mrs Bunny... A girl is like a baseball diamond.

  Felix Unger : [enthusiasitc]  Yes! And the bad man at bat is going to try to score a run. And we can't let that happen.

  Oscar Madison : See, if the guy gets to first base, we mustn't let that happen.

  Felix Unger : No. So you've got to strike him out, so he never gets to first base.

  Oscar Madison : Yeah, see, if he gets to first base, he'll try to steal second.

  Felix Unger : Oh. So that's when you call the umpire. And you know who that is?

  Edna Unger : I don't know.

  Felix Unger : I'm the umpire, and I walk up to that slugger and say, 'You're out! Get off the field.' You understand?

  Edna Unger : [the light slowly dawns]  Yeah. It's a lot like sex.

  Oscar Madison : [Felix starts honking uncontrollably, and Edna goes off to bed]  Goodnight, darling, goodnight, goodnight. Sleep tight, darling, sleep tight.

  Felix Unger : Oscar. She said 'the word'.

  Oscar Madison : What word?

  Felix Unger : [he whispers]  Sex!

  Oscar Madison : Yeah, and if a baseball player tries to take her out, he's gonna have a terrible time.