- [first lines]
- Janet: Ollie, do you remember I told you I had a great aunt who's worth a fortune?
- [holds up vase]
- Janet: Well, look what she's left me.
- Ollie: Didn't she like you much?
- Janet: It's Quing dynasty! George, explain to him what that means.
- George: It's made in China, so it's rubbish.
- Janet: It's not rubbish! It's worth a lot of money!
- Janet: What are you up to?
- George: Just writing your end-of-year report.
- Janet: My what?
- George: Not you personally, Janet. Humanity. I have to do it for the Ultron Council.
- Janet: [looking at report] Art: very poor!
- Ollie: Have you *seen* the Turner Prize?
- Janet: French: hopeless. You think we're hopeless at French?
- George: No, I think the *French* are hopeless.
- Janet: Fair enough.
- Arnie: You call the Ultron Council and ask them to bestow upon you the ancient power of Mascara.
- Janet: Of course, the ancient power of Mascara!
- Janet: What does that go with: the mighty force of lip gloss? The super strength of blusher?
- George: Look, Janet, this is a serious power.
- Janet: Well, you shouldn't have a silly name for it, then. Like that rule about invisibility.
- George: There's nothing silly about the third law of Bisto. Hmph. It happens to govern our planet.
- Janet: And keep your food moist.
- George: Look, using Mascara could place me in great danger.
- Janet: Especially in Northolt on a Saturday night.
- George: They want to save all the good people in the world and rehouse them on Ultron.
- Janet: How many's that?
- George: Forty-three. I've got a list here.
- Janet: Geri Halliwell? They're saving Geri Halliwell?
- George: She's really nice, Janet.
- Janet: Jennifer Lopez.
- George: She must be nice too.
- Janet: Angeina Jolie.
- George: Look, Janet, don't question the Ultron Council. It's made up of ten elderly men who know exactly what they're doing.
- Janet: You're telling me!