- Ben: You constantly broke the rules in my house.
- Nick: Never!
- Ben: Nick, you built a moat.
- Nick: OK, one rule.
- Ben: You put a sunroof in the kitchen.
- Nick: It didn't rain.
- Ben: You took a baby elephant into your bedroom.
- Nick: Was that against the rules?
- Ben: Yes.
- Nick: I knew my circus days would come back to haunt me!
- Ben: What's the landlord doing after you?
- Nick: He's always looking for the rent. He is sneaky that way.
- Ben: Nick, *I* pay the rent.
- Nick: Indeed you do.
- Ben: You are giving the landlord the money I pay you for the rent?
- Nick: Of course!
- Ben: Because if I find out you're pocketing the money I pay you for the rent, I'll kill you.
- Nick: Relax, dad! You won't find out from me!
- Ben Harper: Susan.
- Susan: Mmh?
- Ben Harper: I very nearly had sexual intercourse with your mother.
- Susan: What?
- Ben Harper: I didn't know she was there, I thought it was you.
- Susan: [Horrified] Oh. Ben, that's... that's... that's terrible!
- [Begins laughing]
- Susan: And funny at the same time.
- Ben Harper: It is not funny!
- Susan: Oh, come on, it's a little bit funny.
- Ben Harper: Susan, we very nearly became a Greek tragedy!
- Susan: You know, one day, mummy and daddy will be old.
- Michael: Hmm, you're already old.
- Susan: I mean older.
- Michael: How much older can you get?
- Susan: The point is there may come a time when I need to be taken care of by my children, and I just want you to be prepared to accept your responsibilities.
- Michael: You mean switch off the machine.
- [last lines]
- [Ben and Susan are in bed]
- Susan: Come on, Ben.
- Ben Harper: No, not now, Susan. I'm not in the mood.
- Susan: It's been almost a week.
- Ben Harper: No, I, I can't get your mother's face out of my head.
- Susan: She's gone, OK?
- Ben Harper: Something happened then. Say that again.
- Susan: She's gone!
- Ben Harper: Yeah, yeah, that's working, yeah.
- Susan: She's gone.
- Ben Harper: Oh yeah.
- Susan: She's gone.
- Ben Harper: Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
- Susan: She's gone.
- Ben Harper: Oh yeah.
- Susan: She's gone.
- Ben Harper: Oh yeah.
- Susan: She's gone.
- Ben Harper: Mmm. Yes.
- [starts kissing Susan]
- Ben Harper: Oh yeah. Mmmm.
- Ben Harper, Susan: [kissing] Mmmm. Mmm.
- Susan: This bed smells like my mother.
- Ben Harper: I may never have sex again.
- Abi Harper: I can't take much more of this! All this negative energy is stressing me out - and Ben's not even in the house!
- Michael: I know how to relieve that stress: a massage.
- Abi Harper: Get away from me!
- Michael: OK, look, I'm not interested in you. I've got a date with Fiona later. I'm really trying to help. See, a massage is all about pressure points, releasing all that toxic energy and helping you reach your inner peace.
- Abi Harper: Well, that sounds OK.
- Michael: Of course, you'll have to be naked.
- Abi Harper: Forget it! You're not going anywhere near my inner peace!
- Nick: [after spotting Grace faking an injury] Very impressive! Very impressive! But I invented that one!
- Grace: Like hell you did! I've got more tricks up my sleeve than you can imagine!
- Nick: Care to share a few with the old grandson?
- Grace: I'll leave them to you in my will.
- Nick: Ah, you don't have to do that. I just want the money.