My Family (TV Series)

Owed to Susan (2003)

Robert Lindsay: Ben Harper

Quotes 

• Susan : Oh, Ben

  Ben : Hmm?

  Susan : I'd like nothing more than to have you rip this lingerie off me with your teeth...

  Ben : [Moaning with sexual ecstasy]  Oh, yeah, yeah.

  Susan : ...and feel your hands caressing my body...

  Ben : Oh, god, yeah.

  Susan : ...as we melt into each other's arms...

  Ben : Oh, god, yeah.

  Susan : ...in an uncontrollable fit of passion...

  Ben : Oh, yeah, yeah.

  Susan : ...but I can't.

  Ben : No, ok.

• Susan : The point is, I slept with you under false pretenses.

  Ben : Well nothing's changed, then.

  Susan : Don't you see, our entire marriage is based on a lie.

  Ben : How *dare* you say that, our marriage is based on many lies.

• Ben : I've got one rule, one rule: never sleep with crazy people outside of marriage.

• Teacher : You have a rather nihilistic view of love.

  Ben : That's because I'm married.

• Nick : I've decided to dedicate my body to science.

  Ben : Very good. When's the autopsy?

• Susan : Our marriage is based on a lie!

  Ben : How dare you say that! Our marriage is based on many lies!

• Ben : Sunny skies and delicate flowers have nothing to do with real love! Flowers don't take the covers from you at night, tell you how to drive or send you for tampons at 2 AM! Love is not a flower, it's a venus fly trap that tempts you with promises of delight, then snaps you in half and crushed you like a bug!

  Teacher : You have a rather nihilistic view of love, Mr. Harper.

  Ben : That's because I'm married!

• Ben : What are you doing here?

  Roger Bailey Jnr. : You invited me over.

  Ben : No, I did not.

  Susan : Yes, you did. I just forgot to tell you.

• Susan : [about Roger and Abi]  See that? He fancies her. It's so sweet.

  Ben : It is not sweet, it's dangerous.

  Susan : Why? I think they'd make a nice couple.

  Ben : Two wrongs do not make a right!

• Michael Harper : [Reading instructions]  'Caution: this drug may cause short-term memory loss'.

  Nick : Ah, but it may not!

  Ben : Nick, what happens if you forget who you are? What happens if you forget where you live? What... Good luck with the new job!

• Susan : It's not funny, Ben. That night was very special to me. I gave you the most precious part of myself because of that poem. You stole my virginity!

  Ben : You didn't have it to steal! You weren't a virgin!

  Susan : It was my first time with you. Women get to start afresh with each man.

• Susan : Until I see that poem, we are not making love.

  Ben : Oh... oh, fine! Fine! Huh! Can we still have sex?

  Susan : *You* can. But try to be quiet. I'm going to sleep.

• Ben : Thanks to you, Roger, I have to write Susan a real poem!

  Roger Bailey Jnr. : Well, that shouldn't be too hard. Just think about all the things you love about her and make them rhyme. What have you got so far?

  Ben : Get out!

  Roger Bailey Jnr. : OK. What rhymes with 'out'?

• Ben : Susan, I'm not a poet, I'm a dentist. Perhaps I could express my love by making a mould of your teeth?

• Vanessa : My poem is entitled 'True Love'.

  [pauses for breath] 

  Vanessa : AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

  [Falls to the floor, while everyone looks in shock] 

  Ben : I like that one.

• Vanessa : I must say, I never thought I'd find someone as dark and desolate as I.

  Ben : Well, I wouldn't say I'm that desolate.

  Vanessa : Please, I know. I've always been drawn to cynical pigs.

  Ben : I like puppies!

  Vanessa : No, don't spoil it! You are a starless night sky, Ben Harper!

  Ben : Yeah, yeah... You know, you're not the first person to have told me that?