- Brewster: Listen to me. You see, in my country we have a seldom used saying: "When the swine lubricates the automobile, you end up with a greased pig."
- Rita Moreno: That don't make sense.
- Brewster: I know. That's why it's seldom used.
- Rita Moreno: In my country we have a saying too: "Cuando uno trabaja con una cochinita majadera lo que hay que hacer es darle la amenaza de posibilidad de asesinato."
- Miss Piggy: What is that supposed to mean?
- Rita Moreno: It means one more crack out of you and you're one dead enchilada!
- Kermit: [during Talk spot] Well, Rita, what we have now is what we call our 'Talk Spot', where the guest star sits and talks casually with the frog.
- Rita Moreno: Yeah, yeah, I know, Kermit. But can I say something? Haven't you noticed that on all these variety shows, the guess stars always come off so phony? I mean, you KNOW that they're rehearsed. You KNOW that they are reading cue cards.
- Kermit: But, Rita, on our show...
- [looks past the camera as if reading cue cards]
- Kermit: But, Rita... wait a minute... But, but Rita on our show WE do not use any cue cards, Rita... On our show... we do not...
- Rita Moreno: KERMIT!
- The Newsman: Dateline: Fresno. Mr. Thomas Gally... or Galley... spent the last 27 months teaching his pet chicken to dance classical ballet. Last Saturday, the chicken passed her auditions and became a member of the Royal Copenhagen Ballet. Unfortunately, Mrs. Galley didn't wish to move to Denmark, so she fricasseed the ballerina for lunch.
- [Waldorf and Statler are under their chairs; they resurface]
- Waldorf: I still couldn't find the chewing gum.
- [Animal continually disrupts Moreno's rendition of "Fever" with his bursts of percussion, causing her to smash his head between two cymbals]
- Animal: Ah... yeah... my kinda woman!
- Fozzie Bear: My cousin is so dumb, he spent two weeks in London trying to find the European Common Market.