The Muppet Show (TV Series)
Joel Grey (1976)
Jim Henson: Kermit the Frog, Rowlf the Dog, Beautiful Day Monster, Villain, Waldorf, Gloat, Newsman, Dr. Teeth, Turkish Whatnot
Quotes
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Kermit : Well, that's about all the time we have for today, but let's thank our special guest star, Mr. Joel Grey!
[Joel Grey comes out]
Kermit : Well, Joel, thanks for being on the show.
Joel Grey : [in German accent] Danke heir Kermit. It was mein pleasure.
Kermit : Hey, keep working on that accent, it might come in handy.
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Fozzie Bear : Hiya, Kermit.
Kermit the Frog : Oh, hi there, Fozzie. Hey, listen, you better go and get ready. Go in the dressing room and get ready, would you?
Fozzie Bear : Dressing room? I had a dressing room so small, all the mice were hunchbacked.
Kermit the Frog : Please, Fozzie, No jokes right now. I'm a tired frog.
Fozzie Bear : Tired frog? I knew a frog who got so tired he fell asleep during his nap.
Kermit the Frog : Fozzie, what is this?
Fozzie Bear : Oh, see, it's my new act. See, it's Jokes on Any Subject. You tell the subject, and the bear does the joke on it. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
Kermit the Frog : Oh, Fozzie, please!
Fozzie Bear : Please, take my wife! Please!
Kermit the Frog : Fozzie, why don't you just go in the dressing room and get ready.
Fozzie Bear : Dressing room? I had a dressing room so small...
Kermit the Frog : I heard it.
Fozzie Bear : Well what do you think about the act, Frog?
Kermit the Frog : Well, Fozzie, it's got possibilities. Why don't you work on it? Alone.
Fozzie Bear : Alone? Alone? This bear was left alone!
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The Newsman : Here's a Muppet News Flash. Dateline: Brooklyn, New York. Harry Oblong, a retired New York City bus driver, said that he is holding that state as a hostage and will not release it until he is paid $50 million in cash. Mr. Oblong, whom state officials say is not playing with a full deck, says that he will not disclose the whereabouts of the state of New York, but does say it has enough food and water to last for ten more days.
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The Newsman : Here's a Muppet News Flash. Dateline: New York City. A former circus daredevil, who billed himself as Boffo the Human Cannonball, fired himself out of a cannon yesterday into a crowd of holiday shoppers. Fortunately, there were no injuries to the passersby. Boffo was not so lucky. Said his wife, the former Mrs. Boffo, "I guess I'll just have to pick up the pieces and live my life."
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Waldorf : [after "Wilkommen"] Another star in the tradition of the late great Boris Klinger.
Statler : Boris Klinger? Why, you old fool! Boris Klinger was the worst music hall act to ever step onto the stage!
Waldorf : In your opinion, maybe, but more than 2,000 people attended his final performance.
Statler : Yes, yes. Half of them brought the tar and the rest brought the feathers!
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Kermit the Frog : It's "The Muppet Show" with tonight's guest star: Mr. Joel Grey.
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Kermit the Frog : Our show tonight will feature some stuff that looks like this.
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Kermit the Frog : Welcome. And what a show we have for you tonight. How would you like to see 4,000 woodpeckers performing an aerial ballet, while 87 gorillas and two dozen elephants do "The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"? Well, forget it, because instead we've got Joel Grey as a guest star, which in a way is like having all the excitement of everything I mentioned without having to clean up afterwards. But right now, let's get things rolling on "The Muppet Show", where we have "Comedy Tonight".
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Waldorf : [Kermit complained about what a dull guest Joel is] Dull, my foot; why, that young man's one of the all-time greats! You hear me? One of the greats!
Statler : Well, you'll get no argument from me on that.
Waldorf : That may be the first time we ever agreed on anything in our lives.
Statler : No, we once agreed in the summer of 1912.
Waldorf : What was that?
Statler : We agreed that Kaiser Bill looked silly in a hat! Remember?
Waldorf : [laughs] No.
