The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Mummenschanz (1977)

Frank Oz: Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, Sam the Eagle, George the Janitor, Mildred

Quotes 

• [Miss Piggy mistook Gonzo's love letter on her dressing room door for a letter from Kermit] 

  Gonzo : [singing]  She kissed me... She put her arms around me and she kissed me...

  Miss Piggy : It was a CASE of mistaken identity!

  Gonzo : Oh, hug me Miss Piggy! HOLD me!

  Miss Piggy : I will not hug you, you... TWIT TURKEY!

  Gonzo : Hold my hand, pig of my dreams!

  Miss Piggy : Will you beat it, twerp?

  Gonzo : Just touch me, o hog of my heart!

  Miss Piggy : Here's a touch for ya, wimp buzzard!

  Gonzo : I'm ready!

  [She karate chops him and leaves] 

  Gonzo : [singing dazedly]  She touched me... She swung her porky pinkies and she touched me...

• Kermit : Uh, Miss Piggy, while I am flattered at this display of affection, allow me to remind you once again that I do not want you.

  Gonzo : [to Kermit]  Oh, good, then can I have her?

  [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand] 

  Miss Piggy : [to audience]  That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop.

• Miss Piggy : Kermit? That was a low and dirty trick, setting up a date with me and Gonzo. Wasn't it?

  Kermit : Well... Well, Piggy, I suppose it was. Yeah, I'm sorry.

  Miss Piggy : Oh, really? Oh! How sweet of you to apologize so abjectly to your lover pig.

  Kermit : Well, that wasn't exactly an abject apology.

  Miss Piggy : [Gonzo has come up behind Piggy and is nuzzling up to her]  GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU JIVE GEEK!

  [to Kermit] 

  Miss Piggy : Kermit, now that you've begged for my forgiveness...

  [to Gonzo] 

  Miss Piggy : DON'T TOUCH ME, FREAK!

  [to Kermit] 

  Miss Piggy : Why don't we just kissy-poo and make up, my darling?

  [to Gonzo] 

  Miss Piggy : YOU'RE BREATHING ON ME!

  [to Kermit] 

  Miss Piggy : Kissy-kissy?

  Kermit : Uh, well... Well, Piggy, while I appreciate this offer of affection, I hope you'll understand when I tell you, as usual, that I do not want you.

  Gonzo : Oh, then, can I have her?

  Miss Piggy : [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand]  That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop.

• Fozzie Bear : Thirty days hath September, April, June, and my cousin Fred who gets out on Wednesday.

• Miss Piggy : Kermit, my love, I am so sorry about my little temper tantrum. Ol' buzzard beak was driving me crazy!

  Gonzo : [running up and hugging Miss Piggy]  You drive ME crazy, Miss Piggy!

  Miss Piggy : You know something, nasty nose? I'm going to send you on a one-way trip TO THE GEEK FARM!

  Gonzo : Send me!

  [Miss Piggy karate-chops Gonzo, then holds up one fist in the air] 

  Miss Piggy : Pig power!

• Gonzo : Kissy kissy?

  Miss Piggy : [to Kermit, offscreen]  I'm gonna cut you in half for this, frog!