- Announcer: This is the silliest sketch I've ever been in.
- Mr. Badger: Shall we stop it?
- Announcer: Yeah alright
- [everyone leaves the stage]
- Voiceover: We would like to apologise for the way in which politicians are represented in this programme. It was never out intention to imply that politicians are weak-kneed political time-servers who are concerned more with their personal vendettas and private power struggles than the problems of government, nor to suggest at any point that they sacrifice their credibility by denying free debate on vital matters in the mistaken impression that party unity comes before the well-being of the people they supposedly represent, nor to imply at any stage that they are squabbling little toadies without an ounce of concern for the vital social problems of today. Nor indeed do we intend that viewers should consider them as crabby ulcerous little self seeking vermin with furry legs and an excessive addiction to alcohol and certain explicit sexual practices which some people might find offensive. We are sorry if this impression has come across.
- Sir John Cunningham: May I take this opportunity of emphasizing that there is no cannibalism in the British Navy, absolutely none. And when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount, more than I personally admit. But, all new Ratings are warned that if they wake up in the morning and find any toothmarks at all anywhere on their bodies, they are to tell me immediately so that I can immediately take every measure to hush the whole thing up. And finally, necrophilia is right out.
- Mr. Badger: I'll have a whiskey to start with.
- Waiter: A first course, sir?
- Mr. Badger: Aye.
- Waiter: And for main course, sir.
- Mr. Badger: Uh, I'll have a whiskey for main course, and I'll follow that with a whiskey for pudding.
- Waiter: Yes sir. And what would you like with it sir, whiskey?
- Mr. Badger: No, a bottle of wine.
- [last lines]
- Announcer: This is the silliest sketch I've ever been in.
- Mr. Badger: Shall we stop it?
- Announcer: Yeah alright
- [everyone leaves the stage]
- TV Presenter: The Minister for not listening to people toured Batley today to investigate allegations of victimization in home-loan improvement grants, made last week by the Shadow Minister for judging people at first sight to be marginally worse than they actually are. At the Home Office, the Minister for inserting himself in between chairs and walls in men's clubs, was at his desk after a short illness. He spent the morning dealing with the Irish situation and later in the day had long discussions with the Minister for running upstairs two at a time, flinging the door open and saying 'Ha, ha! Caught you, Mildred'. In the Commons there was another day of heated debate on the third reading of the Trade Practices Bill. Mr Roland Penrose, the Under-Secretary for making deep growling noises grrr, launched a bitter personal attack on the ex-Minister for delving deep into a black satin bag and producing a tube of Euthymol toothpaste. Later in the debate the Junior Minister for being frightened by any kind of farm machinery, challenged the Under-Secretary of State for hiding from Terence Rattigan to produce the current year's trading figures, as supplied by the Department of stealing packets of bandages from the self-service counter at Timothy Whites and selling them again at a considerable profit.