Monty Python's Flying Circus (TV Series)

Archaeology Today (1970)

Michael Palin: Archaeology Today Interviewer, Doctor, John Stokes, Second Poofy Judge, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Colin Mozart

Photos 

Quotes 

• BBC Voiceover : And now, a plea for sanity by the Reverend Arthur Belling.

  Rev. Arthur Belling : [Cut to studio. A vicar sitting facing camera. He has an axe in his head]  You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives. It is up to people like you and me who are out of our tiny little minds to try and help these people overcome their sanity. You can start in small ways with ping-pong ball eyes and a funny voice and then you can paint half of your body red and the other half green and then you can jump up and down in a bowl of treacle going 'squawk, squawk, squawk... ' And then you can go 'Neurhhh! Neurhh!' and then you can roll around on the floor going 'pting pting pting'...

  [he rolls around on the floor] 

  BBC Voiceover : The Reverend Arthur Belling is Vicar of St. Looney-Up-The-Cream-Bun-And-Jam.

• High Court Judge #1 : Ooh I've 'ad such a morning in the High court. I could stamp me little feet the way those QCs carry on.

  High Court Judge #2 : Don't I know it love.

  High Court Judge #1 : Objection 'ere, objection there. And that nice policeman giving his evidence so well, lovely speaking voice. Anyway, in the end I just banged me little gavel.

  High Court Judge #2 : You what love?

  High Court Judge #1 : I banged me gavel. Did the 'ole silence in court bit. Ooh if looks could kill that prosecuting counsel would be in for 30 years. How did your summing up go?

  High Court Judge #2 : I was quite pleased actually. I tried me butch voice. You know 'what the jury must understand' and I could see that foreman eying me.

  High Court Judge #1 : Really?

  High Court Judge #2 : Yes, cheeky devil!

  High Court Judge #1 : Was 'e the tall one with the very big...

  High Court Judge #2 : Anyway, I must finish. So I said 'the maximum punishment is barely suitable for their ghastly crimes' and I waggled my wig, just a little bit but it was a great effect.

  High Court Judge #1 : Ooh I bet it was, like that time I wore the stripy robe in the magistrate's court.

• BBC Voiceover : [along with caption]  And now an appeal on behalf of the National Trust.

  [but the caption reads "Truss'] 

  Lady Presenter : Good evening. My name is Leapy Lee. No, sorry. That's the name of me favourite singer. My name is Mrs Fred Stolle. No, no, Mrs Fred Stolle is the wife of me favourite tennis player. My name is Bananas. No, no, that's me favourite fruit. I'm Mrs Nice Evening Out At The Pictures Then Perhaps A Dance At A Club And Back To His Place For A Quick Cup Of Coffee And A Little Bit Of - no! No, sorry, that's me favourite way of spending a night out. Perhaps I am Leapy Lee? Yes, I must be Leapy Lee! Hello fans! Leapy Lee here!

  [sings] 

  Lady Presenter : Little arrows that will ...

  [the phone rings; she answers it] 

  Lady Presenter : Hello? Evidently I'm not Leapy Lee. I thought I probably wouldn't be. Thank you, I'll tell them.

  [hangs up] 

  Lady Presenter : Hello, Denis Compton here. No, no, I should have written it down.

  [rummeges through her bag, talking to herself] 

  Lady Presenter : Now where's that number... I'm Mao Tse Tung... I'm P.P. Arnold... I'm Margaret Thatcher... I'm Sir Gerald Nabarro...

  [picks up the phone] 

  Lady Presenter : Hello, Sir Len Hutton here. Could you tell me please... oh, am I? Oh, thank you.

  [hangs up and addresses us] 

  Lady Presenter : Good evening. I'm Mrs What Number Are You Dialling Please.

  [a boxer comes in and punches her out]