Monty Python's Flying Circus (TV Series)

Archaeology Today (1970)

Eric Idle: BBC Announcer, Absent-Minded Woman, Registrar, Registrar's Customer, Roy Spim, First Poofy Judge, Mrs. Entity, William Shakespeare

Photos 

Quotes 

• High Court Judge #1 : Ooh I've 'ad such a morning in the High court. I could stamp me little feet the way those QCs carry on.

  High Court Judge #2 : Don't I know it love.

  High Court Judge #1 : Objection 'ere, objection there. And that nice policeman giving his evidence so well, lovely speaking voice. Anyway, in the end I just banged me little gavel.

  High Court Judge #2 : You what love?

  High Court Judge #1 : I banged me gavel. Did the 'ole silence in court bit. Ooh if looks could kill that prosecuting counsel would be in for 30 years. How did your summing up go?

  High Court Judge #2 : I was quite pleased actually. I tried me butch voice. You know 'what the jury must understand' and I could see that foreman eying me.

  High Court Judge #1 : Really?

  High Court Judge #2 : Yes, cheeky devil!

  High Court Judge #1 : Was 'e the tall one with the very big...

  High Court Judge #2 : Anyway, I must finish. So I said 'the maximum punishment is barely suitable for their ghastly crimes' and I waggled my wig, just a little bit but it was a great effect.

  High Court Judge #1 : Ooh I bet it was, like that time I wore the stripy robe in the magistrate's court.

• BBC Voiceover : [along with caption]  And now an appeal on behalf of the National Trust.

  [but the caption reads "Truss'] 

  Lady Presenter : Good evening. My name is Leapy Lee. No, sorry. That's the name of me favourite singer. My name is Mrs Fred Stolle. No, no, Mrs Fred Stolle is the wife of me favourite tennis player. My name is Bananas. No, no, that's me favourite fruit. I'm Mrs Nice Evening Out At The Pictures Then Perhaps A Dance At A Club And Back To His Place For A Quick Cup Of Coffee And A Little Bit Of - no! No, sorry, that's me favourite way of spending a night out. Perhaps I am Leapy Lee? Yes, I must be Leapy Lee! Hello fans! Leapy Lee here!

  [sings] 

  Lady Presenter : Little arrows that will ...

  [the phone rings; she answers it] 

  Lady Presenter : Hello? Evidently I'm not Leapy Lee. I thought I probably wouldn't be. Thank you, I'll tell them.

  [hangs up] 

  Lady Presenter : Hello, Denis Compton here. No, no, I should have written it down.

  [rummeges through her bag, talking to herself] 

  Lady Presenter : Now where's that number... I'm Mao Tse Tung... I'm P.P. Arnold... I'm Margaret Thatcher... I'm Sir Gerald Nabarro...

  [picks up the phone] 

  Lady Presenter : Hello, Sir Len Hutton here. Could you tell me please... oh, am I? Oh, thank you.

  [hangs up and addresses us] 

  Lady Presenter : Good evening. I'm Mrs What Number Are You Dialling Please.

  [a boxer comes in and punches her out] 

• BBC Announcer : [BBC1 World symbol appears]  Here is a preview of some of the programmes you'll be able to see coming shortly on BBC Television. To kick off with there's variety...

  [cut to still picture of Peter West and Brian Johnston] 

  BBC Announcer : Peter West and Brian Johnston star in "Rain Stopped Play", a whacky new comedy series about the gay exploits of two television cricket commentators

  [cut to photo of E. W. Swanton] 

  BBC Announcer : with E. W. Swanton as Aggie the kooky Scots maid. For those of you who don't like variety, there's variety, with Brian Close at the Talk of the Town.

  [cut to picture of Brian Close in cricket whites on a stage] 

  BBC Announcer : And of course there'll be sport. The Classics series

  [cut to engraving of London and caption: "The Classics"] 

  BBC Announcer : return to BBC 2 with twenty-six episodes of John Galsworthy's "Snooker My Way"

  [cut to composite photo of Nyree Dawn Porter holding a snooker cue] 

  BBC Announcer : with Nyree Dawn Porter repeating her triumph as Joe Davis. And of course there'll be sport. Comedy is not forgotten

  [cut to Caption: "Comedy"] 

  BBC Announcer : with Jim Laker

  [cut to photo of Laker] 

  BBC Announcer : in "Thirteen Weeks of Off-spin Bowling". Jim plays the zany bachelor bowler in a new series of "Owzat", with Anneley Brummond-Haye on Mr Softee

  [cut to photo of same] 

  BBC Announcer : as his wife. And of course there'll be sport. "Panorama" will be returning, introduced

  [cut to "Panorama" caption with photo of Tony Jacklin] 

  BBC Announcer : as usual by Tony Jacklin, and Lulu

  [cut to photo of Lulu] 

  BBC Announcer : will be tackling the Old Man of Hoy

  [cut to photo of same] 

  BBC Announcer : And for those of you who prefer drama - there's sport. On "Show of the Week" Kenneth Wostenholme sings.

  [cut to still of him, superimposed over Flick Colby Dancers, Pans People, ono] 

  BBC Announcer : And for those of you who don't like television there's David Coleman.

  [cut to picture of him smiling] 

  BBC Announcer : And of course there'll be sport. But now for something completely different - sport.