- Mike: [has a nasty reaction to drinking some water] Where did you get that water?
- Peter: From the car, like Micky said,
- Mike: Where in the car?
- Peter: From the radiator.
- Davy: [Micky starts flipping out] Oh, Micky, don't wo--Listen, it's a good job he didn't get it from the petrol tank.
- Peter: That's what I meant, the petrol tank.
- Micky: Where can we eat?
- Mike: Yeah, we'd like to eat.
- Blauner: Eat? How can you eat when I have no waiter?
- Peter: Where's your waiter?
- Blauner: Oh, I have a waiter, and I have a bellhop and I have a gardener but they're not working...
- Mike: You should go out there to wherever they're at, and as an employer, demand that they go to work.
- Blauner: Right.
- [shouts]
- Blauner: Go to work!
- Mike: What do you mean, "Go to work"? We're a band.
- Blauner: Oh, I hire no bands at this hotel, I hire waiters and I hire gardners and I hire bellhops and if they happen to play a few musical intruments, wonderful, wonderful!
- Nan: Michael?
- Mike: Yes?
- Nan: You remind me of someone very close to me.
- Mike: Hmhm, I knew it, I knew it.
- Nan: Someone I could cuddle with and go to whenever I felt sad.
- Mike: Oh, go ahead, dear, pour out all your sadness to me, I'll understand, I will, I will.
- Nan: I have his picture here, would you like to see it?
- Mike: Oh! The picture of the male I most remind you of, of course, of course I'd like to see it, let me see it!
- Mike: [she hands him the picture] It's a cocker spaniel.
- Micky: Al right, now let's take the pledge.
- [picks up script]
- Micky: it says here, in the script...
- Mike: Handbook.
- Micky: Handbook. We pledge to obey the laws of dirt and violence.
- Davy: I do that.
- Peter: Right.
- Mike: I do that.
- Micky: To curb our desire for a bath.
- Mike, Davy, Peter: Right.
- Micky: And to offend all living things.
- Mike, Davy, Peter: Right.
- Davy: [the Monkees boast about their "rough biker gang"] How rough? For initiation, we *kill* our new members!