The Monkees (TV Series)

Monkees in Texas (1967)

Stuart Nisbet: Bartender

Quotes 

• Mike : [Mike walks up to the bartender at the saloon]  Eh, hello, can you tell me where the assayer's office is?

  Bartender : [suddenly the bartender has a green cap on his head and a sign on the counter that says 'Assayer']  This is it.

  Mike : Oh, well, what I'd like is to have that analyzed. Could you tell me what that is?

  Bartender : [hands him a jar of dirt from the Nesmith farm]  I don't have to analyze it, I can tell you what it is right now.

  Mike : Well, what?

  Bartender : It's guk! And it's disgusting, go and get it outta here.