The Monkees (TV Series)

Monkees in Texas (1967)

Michael Nesmith: Mike

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mike : [on the phone]  Are you sure that it's not listed, operator? It's very important.

  Davy : Mike, Mike...

  Mike : What?

  Davy : Who are you calling?

  Mike : John Wayne.

• [Wielding their weapons] 

  Micky : Winchester '73!

  Davy : Colt .45!

  Mike : Smith and Wesson .38!

  Peter : [wielding champagne bottle]  Vintage '66!

  Mike : How in the world will you be able to do anything with "Vintage '66"?

  Peter : You're right. I wish I had Vintage '55.

• Micky : Are you sure Aunt Kate won't mind us coming?

  Mike : The last time I was here, she said: drop in any time.

  Davy : When was that?

  Mike : Spring of '54.

• Black Bart : Have ya had enough, Nesters?

  Mike : The name is Nesmith and if you're gonna scream it out here in the middle of a war, get it right. That's Nesmith!

  Peter : I thought Mike's name was Nester?

  Mike : N.A.P.K.Y.O.R.J.P.

  Aunt Kate Nesmith : No, no 'nester' means farmer. He's right, he means nesters.

  Mike : Oh? Oh, hey, I'm sorry, er, I didn't realize, you know, and it seems you were right in the first place, so go ahead with your speech.

• Aunt Kate Nesmith : Don't you remember your baby cousin Lucy?

  Mike : Huh? Lucy? Are you Lu- Well, what, well, what ever happened to the, the buck teeth, the knock kneed, stringy haired, bad complexion little girl that I used to hang around with?

  Aunt Kate Nesmith : That's your other cousin Clara, she still looks the same.

  Mike : Merciful heavens.

• Mike : I'm taking this dirt into town and I'll have it analyzed. When I get back I'll know one of two things.

  Aunt Kate Nesmith : What's that?

  Mike : Well, either this dirt is the cause of all your trouble, or I'm getting my hands dirty for nothing.

• Mike : [Mike walks up to the bartender at the saloon]  Eh, hello, can you tell me where the assayer's office is?

  Bartender : [suddenly the bartender has a green cap on his head and a sign on the counter that says 'Assayer']  This is it.

  Mike : Oh, well, what I'd like is to have that analyzed. Could you tell me what that is?

  Bartender : [hands him a jar of dirt from the Nesmith farm]  I don't have to analyze it, I can tell you what it is right now.

  Mike : Well, what?

  Bartender : It's guk! And it's disgusting, go and get it outta here.

• Narrator : Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

  Mike : Kate, you started this ranch with a handful of dirt and a dream. Now, with this oil we found, you'll be one of the wealthiest ranchers in Texas. Not to mention having the dirtiest hands.