- Adrian Monk: He quit?
- Shirt Salesman: Yeah. Apparently, he had one regular customer who was driving him crazy.
- Natalie Teeger: Now we're going to be up all night wondering who *that* was.
- Julian Hodge: [to Natalie, as he is being led away in handcuffs] So, it's true what they say, huh? You can never judge a person by how they dress.
- Natalie Teeger: [delighted to tell Hodge all about his prison wardrobe] Well, let me tell you about what you're going to be wearing. I hope you like orange. It's a little jumpsuit thing, it has a number right here. You can wear it anywhere, really. Indoors, walking around the yard...
- [after receiving a compliment from Julian Hodge about his looks, Randy has taken to wearing expensive suits]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Where's your notebook?
- Lt. Randall Disher: Oh, I don't have one. It's an Italian suit, it was ruining the lining. But don't worry.
- [points to his head]
- Lt. Randall Disher: I'll remember it.
- Adrian Monk: [during Julian Hodge's fashion show] Natalie, don't eat the food! I just saw four models back there throwing up.
- [after Monk reveals his theory]
- Julian Hodge: And you base this on what? Instinct? The same infallible instinct you used when you picked out that jacket?
- [Julian Hodge has insulted Natalie's outfit]
- Natalie Teeger: He did it!
- Adrian Monk: Natalie, he's not even a suspect!
- Natalie Teeger: Damn!
- Natalie Teeger: [notices how Lt. Disher is striking a pose with one foot on a rock and his elbow resting on his knee] What are you doing?
- Lt. Randall Disher: What?... I'm standing.
- [self-satisfied]
- Lt. Randall Disher: This is how I stand.
- [Notices how Natalie is dressed in evening wear]
- Lt. Randall Disher: What are you wearing?
- Natalie Teeger: Clothes, this is how I dress.
- Lt. Randall Disher: This is how I stand.
- Natalie Teeger: This is how I dress-s-s.
- [Monk proves that Natasia Zorelle's death was murder]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Okay! This is now a homicide investigation! Lock this place down, nobody touch anything!
- [turning to Randy]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Fabio, go and borrow a notebook, and borrow a pencil, and start talking to neighbors.
- Natalie Teeger: Captain, what do you think it means?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It means that your boss scared somebody.
- [as Stottlemeyer and Natalie leave, no one seems to notice Monk adding a wart to Natasia's left shoulder, to match up with the one on her other shoulder]
- Natalie Teeger: She swears he's innocent.
- Howard "Gordo" Gordon: I know. That's the toughest part of the job, the mothers crying and pleading. That's one thing I'm not going to miss.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Where are you going?
- Howard "Gordo" Gordon: Didn't you hear? I'm retiring. There's a party for me on Saturday if you want to come.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Sweet.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You're retiring? How old are you?
- Howard "Gordo" Gordon: 46.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Did you win the lottery?
- Howard "Gordo" Gordon: No, I've been investing. Real estate. What have you been doing with your savings?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [mulls it over] Uhhh... Eating. You know, I think I need to talk to my accountant.
- Natalie Teeger: What, you have an accountant?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Nope. Going to have to go find an accountant, and then I'm going to talk to him.
- Natalie Teeger: [watching Julie before she goes on to rehearse for Hodge] She looks beautiful, doesn't she? Too beautiful. Sometimes I wish she had a big old fat ugly wart right here.
- [points to her forehead]
- Adrian Monk: Maybe here.
- [points to the center of her forehead, right above the bridge of her nose]
- [During his first encounter with Monk, Natalie, Stottlemeyer and Disher, Julian Hodge approaches Natalie]
- Julian Hodge: If you're going to rob me, you should bring a gun.
- Natalie Teeger: Pardon me?
- Julian Hodge: The blouse. It's a knock-off of one of my designs.
- Natalie Teeger: Oh. It is? I didn't know.
- Julian Hodge: Of course. That's not the real crime. The real crime is how you look in it.
- [Monk and Natalie arrive at Hodge's fashion show to rescue Julie]
- Doorman: Name?
- Adrian Monk: Puff Daddy, plus 1.
- Adrian Monk: [speaking with Natasia Zorelle about the murder of Clea Vance and about if Pablo Ortiz is guilty or not] We're not sure. Probably just tilting at windmills.
- Natasia Zorelle: Windmills?
- Julian Hodge: It's a literary reference. From a book.
- [Don Quixote, to be precise. This is a hint that Natasia is probably culturally illiterate]