Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk Gets Cabin Fever (2005)
Tony Shalhoub: Adrian Monk
Photos
Quotes
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[about the fact that people always seem to get murdered wherever Monk goes]
Natalie Teeger : You're the Prince of Darkness.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : No, he's not the Prince of Darkness. I've seen him vacuuming the ceiling. You wouldn't see the Prince of Darkness doing that.
Natalie Teeger : No, I can picture the Prince of Darkness vacuuming the ceiling, to trick us. He's very tricky.
Adrian Monk : Stop calling me the Prince of Darkness! That's how rumors get started.
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Adrian Monk : [after accidentally touching the ground] Nature! I've got Nature on my hand! Get it off!
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Adrian Monk : She's been buying ice all day. That makes sixteen bags she's carried in so far.
Natalie : Maybe she's having a party.
Adrian Monk : No food, no beer, no chips. Just ice.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Maybe she's having an Adrian Monk party.
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[at night, during a thunderstorm, when their van has gotten stuck on the road, and Stottlemeyer has just blown out a single candle on the smushed remains of his birthday cake]
Adrian Monk : Did you make a wish?
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Yes, I did.
Adrian Monk : ...Did it involve me?
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Yes, it did.
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[Monk, Natalie, and Stottlemeyer are wandering through the woods after their car broke down]
Adrian Monk : We're lost, aren't we? Tell me, I can take it.
Natalie Teeger : We're...
[she glances at Stottlemeyer, who mouths, "NO!"]
Natalie Teeger : ...not lost.
Adrian Monk : Oh, my God! WE'RE LOST!
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Adrian Monk , Disher : [together] Oh, my God! I've got it! Here's what happened...
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Adrian Monk : I happen to believe all men are brothers. Every man's... bent antenna... diminishes me.
Natalie Teeger : What are you talking about?
Adrian Monk : I don't know.
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Capt. Stottlemeyer : Monk, are you absolutely sure about this? And don't give me any of that 95 percent crap!
Adrian Monk : Captain, I am 100 percent sure that she *probably* killed him.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : What does that mean?
Adrian Monk : [waits a moment] 95 percent.
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Capt. Stottlemeyer : [while waiting for Kathy Willowby to pick up the phone] It's ringing.
Natalie Teeger : But Agent Grooms said "no calls."
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Agent Grooms can kiss...
Kathy Willowby : [picks up the phone] Hello?
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Oh, hello. Mrs. Willowby.
Kathy Willowby : Yes?
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Uh, is Martin there? My name's Darrell Hendershot. I'm a friend of Martin's. We went to high school together. We're having a big high school reunion.
Kathy Willowby : Oh, I'm so sorry! He is on the lake fishing.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Oh, well, okay. I'll call back later!
Kathy Willowby : You do that.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Thank you very much.
[hangs up]
Capt. Stottlemeyer : She says he's fishing on the lake.
Adrian Monk : She killed him.
Natalie Teeger : You have got to be kidding me. Can't I take you *anywhere*?
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Capt. Stottlemeyer : Hey, guess what tomorrow is?
Adrian Monk : It's your birthday, of course.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Happy birthday to me.
[after a pause]
Capt. Stottlemeyer : What the hell happened to me, Monk? I was supposed to be the Deputy Commissioner by now. I was the fair-haired boy, remember? Youngest detective in the history of the department. And now, I'm the guy that knows how to find you.
Adrian Monk : Oh, look, Captain, there isn't...
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Forget about it.
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Adrian Monk : I really appreciate you comin' out here. All the way here. Especially on your birthday. You didn't have to do this.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Yes, I did. I don't trust these guys, particularly not Grooms.
Adrian Monk : You could have asked Lieutenant Disher, or...
Capt. Stottlemeyer : I thought about that, but he has a big date. The kid thinks he's in love.
Adrian Monk : Really?
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Yeah. He's the one who ought to be in protective custody.
[they share a laugh]