Married... with Children (TV Series)

Weenie Tot Lovers & Other Strangers (1991)

Katey Sagal: Peggy Bundy

Quotes 

• Al Bundy : A want the joint account. You know, the one where the checks say Mrs. Peggy Bundy and the unnamed shoe salesman.

  Peggy Bundy : That was supposed to be a joke. I had no idea they would actually put that on the checks. But at least they left out the witless part.

• Peggy Bundy : ...Look, Al! Weenie Tot is having a "Scratch N' Sniff Sweepstakes". If your box-top smells like a weenie, you win $50 thousand! Oh, Al, let's open them all and see if we've won.

  [She starts to tear open the first box] 

  Al Bundy : Peg! No...! Read the label.

  Peggy Bundy : [reading]  "No nutritional value..."

  Al Bundy : Not that part! Keep reading.

  Peggy Bundy : [reading on]  "Results of prolonged consumption by laboratory animals include..."

  Al Bundy : *Never mind that!* Skip ahead to the fine print.

  [She squints and produces a magnifying glass before continuing] 

  Peggy Bundy : "EPA Warning: Do not expose Weenie Tots to air. Will accelerate disintegration process, and may compromise atmospheric breathability. Enjoy!" Al, how are we gonna know if we won?

  Al Bundy : Well, I can tell you that: We're Bundys. We couldn't have... Now, Peg, I've got a year supply of my favorite mock-food here. It, like me, is highly unstable.

  Peggy Bundy : Al, if you don't want me to touch them, just say "Don't touch them."

  Al Bundy : DON'T TOUCH THEM.

  Peggy Bundy : Then I won't.

  [an hour later, she has opened and scratched and sniffed the entire truckload of Weenie Tots - which have been reduced to noxious dust - when Al returns home] 

  Al Bundy : Smells like rat-droppings in here.

  [aghast] 

  Al Bundy : Oh, no! *Woman, what have you done!* My Tots! *My Tots!* My Weenies have been exposed! *You've disintegrated my Tots!*

  Peggy Bundy : Al, we didn't win!

  Al Bundy : WIN, SCHMIN; LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MY TOTS!