Married... with Children (TV Series)

User Friendly (1995)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Al Bundy : What's up?

  Kelly Bundy : It's Bud, Dad. He hasn't showered in four days, he disappears at night, and he has no interest in the opposite sex anymore.

  Al Bundy : And the problem is?

  Kelly Bundy : Daddy, he's like that and he's not even married.

• Peggy Bundy : That's it. I'm going over to Marcy's.

  Al Bundy : Uh, tell her I said, "Cluck."

• Jefferson D'Arcy : [flicks a switch on the side of a counter]  Hey, Al, you know, I've always been meaning to ask you, what does this switch do?

  Al Bundy : I don't know. Get over here and sit down.

  [Jefferson sits next to Al] 

  Al Bundy : That's your problem, you know that?

  Jefferson D'Arcy : What?

  Al Bundy : You don't know how to relax.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Mm.

  [Al looks at the switch] 

  Al Bundy : What the hell does that switch do?

• Peggy Bundy : Come on, Al. Call an electrician.

  Al Bundy : I will not. Just because someone calls himself an electrician doesn't mean he knows any more about electricity than the average guy.

• Peggy Bundy : Al, are you ready to call an electrician?

  Al Bundy : I will not! I'm gonna find out what this darn switch does if it kills me AND Jefferson!

• Jefferson D'Arcy : Okay, tell us where the circuit box is.

  Bob Rooney : Outside.

  Al Bundy : Aha!

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Heh heh heh heh! Thank God for Bob Rooney.

  Al Bundy : We could have been inside for days.

  Marcy D'Arcy : Guys, please call an electrician.

  Jefferson D'Arcy , Bob Rooney , Al Bundy : WE WILL NOT!

• Peggy Bundy : Al, there is not an eyebrow left among you. Please call someone.

  Al Bundy : I will not. All we have to do, Peg, is find out where the last few of these wires go and I can start my vacation anew.

  Peggy Bundy : And what about Bob Rooney? You know, he's been missing for two days.

  Al Bundy : Bob Rooney's not missing. Right, Bob Rooney?

  Bob Rooney : [from inside the wall]  Right, Al!

  Al Bundy : See? He's in the wall.

  Peggy Bundy : He is stuck in our house, Al.

  Al Bundy : Like he's the only one.

• [Al sneaks downstairs] 

  Peggy Bundy : [from upstairs]  Al, you better not be fooling with that switch again.

  Al Bundy : [quietly]  I'm not, pookie.

  [looks at the switch] 

  Al Bundy : What the hell does this thing do?

  [as Al flicks the switch, the light in Buck's doghouse outside flicks on and off] 

  Buck : Man, I gotta find out where the switch to this light is.