Married... with Children (TV Series)

The Legend of Ironhead Haynes (1994)

Ted McGinley: Jefferson D'Arcy

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Quotes 

• Al : [reading Ironhead Haynes' Nine Commandments]  Rule number one: it's okay to all hooters knockers and sometimes snack trays. Rule Two: it is wrong to be French. Rule Three: it is okay to put all bad people into a giant meat grinder. Rule Four: lawyers... see Rule Three. It is okay to drive a gas guzzler if it helps you get babes. Everyone should car pool except me. Bring back the word 'stewardesses'. Synchronized swimming is not a sport. Mud wrestling is a sport. Those are your Ten Commandments.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Al, that's only nine.

  Al : Oh... these are your Nine Commandments.

• Al : What we need to do is find someone who can tell us how to fight this insanity.

  Roger : That's right. We need a man's man.

  Bob Rooney : Someone who always calls his own shots.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : A leader to lead us through the 90's.

  Officer Dan : A man among men.

  Bob Rooney , Roger , Barney , Officer Dan : Ironhead Haynes!

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Who's Ironhead Haynes?

  Al : The gruffest, toughest man to ever graduate from Polk High.

  Roger : He had a beard in the 7th Grade, and a wife.

  Officer Dan : Took out his own appendix with a Pocket Fisherman's knife.

  Al : He could have been a great football player for Polk High. But he refused to take off his spurs.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : We wore cowboy boots while playing football?

  Al : No boots. Just spurs.