Married... with Children (TV Series)

The Agony and the Extra C (1996)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Quotes 

• Al Bundy : Jefferson, we are all taking you out today to celebrate your wedding anniversary since you don't work.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : So, how come you guys are not at work?

  Al Bundy , Griff , Bob Rooney , Ike : We're sick.

  Officer Dan : Except for me. I'm working.

  Police Dispatcher : All units, all units, report to city hall. The mayor has been taken hostage by a group of...

  Officer Dan : [turns off his radio]  Blah, blah, blah, shut up!

• [the Bundy's phone rings and Lucky answers it] 

  Peggy Bundy : [speaking from inside a Parisian taxi cab]  Al? Is that you? I'm in Paris. Everyone here is so rude and smelly, I'm just thinking about you all the time.

  [Lucky pants over the phone] 

  Peggy Bundy : Oh, Al, I know you think about me too. I wish I could see your face right now.

  [Al is shown with a grimace as he watches the tattooist Harris work] 

  Peggy Bundy : [as Lucky barks into the phone]  Oh, stop barking at me. I know you're upset about the cost of me taking the Concord over here, but I'm hot on Dad's trail. He was spotted last night at a Jerry Lewis film festival.

  [Al slams down the receiver] 

  Al Bundy : [to Lucky]  Bad dog!

• Al Bundy : Get over here, Jefferson, he's as ready as he'll ever be...

• Al Bundy : [Attempting to persuade Jefferson to accompany NO MA'AM to the Jiggly Room on the D'Arcys' anniversary]  Come on, Jefferson! It's just us, some liquor, and some Mexican strippers! What could happen?

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Hey, ya put it that way, OK!

• Al Bundy : Jefferson, you asked me to remind you when it's five o'clock so you can leave here before Marcy gets home.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Sure, Al. When is it?

  Al Bundy : It was about a half-hour ago.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : [throwing off a lap dancer sitting on his lap]  Oh, no! I've got to get home!

  Lap Dancer : I was about to take you there.

• Officer Dan : Al, what did you get Peggy for your anniversary?

  Al Bundy : Well it depends on the year. First year is paper, so I put a big bag over her head. I can't wait for the plastic anniversary!

• Al Bundy : We are here on an important mission: To save our brother D'Arcy from the fire-breathing lip-less beak of his wife on the day when all married men need their friends the most, their wedding anniversary.

• [Jefferson turns and drops his pants for the guys to see his new tattoo] 

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Well? What do you guys think?

  Bob Rooney : [after a short pause]  I don't know. I think he left out the letter C.

  Al Bundy : Shut up!

  [to Jefferson; beat] 

  Al Bundy : Jefferson, I hate to say this... you may be married to Marcy. But your ass says "I Love Mary."