Married... with Children (TV Series)

Teacher Pets (1992)

David Faustino: Bud Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bud : Dad, why are you dressed like that?

  [Al is wearing a T-shirt that says "I'm with Andy"] 

  Al : Little Andy Maynard is having his birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. He is going to have pizza!

  [Al wraps present] 

  Al : Of course there is nothing in the box, but when they realize that, I will be full and gone!

• Miss McGowen : Class dismissed... except for you Mr. Bundy.

  Bud : [thinking]  What could this be? I hope she didn't notice me staring obsessively at her legs.

  Miss McGowen : Mr. Bundy, I've noticed you during class staring obsessively at my legs

  Bud : [thinking]  Well, at least she didn't catch me looking at other things.

  Miss McGowen : ...and other things

• Peggy : He's in a suit. Is there a funeral at school today?

  Bud : Yes. 'Tis the death of Bud Bundy, lonely boy, and the birth of Stud Bundy, only boy. I have a date!

• Al Bundy : What are you people trying to do, ruin my boy's confidence? Now, if he says a teacher looked at him, I say a teacher looked at him. Son, was this a female teacher?

  Bud : Yes, Dad.

  Al Bundy : Seriously?

• Bud : I know! I'll prove it's a dream. I'll take down my pants and it'll be so embarrassing, I'll wake up.

  [Bud lowers his pants to the shock of entire class] 

  Bud : I'm even dreaming that I ran out of underwear.

• Bud : [doorbell rings]  That must be her now, a half hour early I might add. Well, who can blame her. Sometimes I can't wait to touch myself either... you know what I mean.

  Peggy : I'm afraid we do.

• Bud : Now can I get a "Whoa, Bud is popular"?

  Buck the dog : How about a "Whoa, shoot the boy"?

• Bud : Dad, I've been seeing two women at once and it's wearing me out. I don't know how to juggle two women. Did you ever have this problem?

  Al : You're talking to Old #33 here! Do you know how I got that number?

  Bud : 'Cause the most money you've ever had was 33 cents?

  Al : No! Because that's how many women deep the line was to ride the wild Bundy.

• Bud : [thinking]  Two, two, two babes at once. God, I envy me!

  Student : Hey, did you guys hear the news, Miss McGowan's dating a student!

  Student : She ran off with a football player.

  Student : Yeah. She said he was the only one who could ever satisfy her.

  Bud : [thinking]  No big thing, that leaves me more time to give to the younger babe.

  [Darlene pulls away from Bud] 

  Bud : Good news babe, now you've got me all to yourself.

  Darlene : Drop dead! If you can't satisfy an older woman like Miss McGowan, what the hell would I want with you?

  Bud : Well, let's just see how you feel when the new teacher gets here. I haven't seen a temp that didn't need a little lovin'

  Mrs. A. Mariner : [an ugly old woman appears]  I'm Mrs. A. Mariner and I'll be the new teacher for the rest of the semester.

  [Mrs. Mariner sees Bud and pinches his cheek] 

  Bud : [thinking]  and then again, there's always Chuck E. Cheese with Dad. Well, great thing about being at the bottom is you can't fall any lower.

  Al Bundy : [Al appears]  You cradle robber! You Cher!

• Al Bundy : I'm afraid it may not be you she's after. I'm afraid she might be after the vast Bundy fortune. She wants everything we have.

  Bud : Dad, I've seen the trunk of her car, she's got everything we have.

  Al Bundy : It's still not right. Son, you got plenty of time to date 40-year-old women when you're 70, no wait, make that uh hmmm 35 when you're 80, yeah feels more right to me.

• Al Bundy : Hey Bud, Mom is sick. Get her an aspirin.

  Bud : I am bushed.

  Al Bundy : No pressure. Do it tomorrow.