Married... with Children (TV Series)

Sofa So Good (1994)

David Faustino: Bud Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kelly : Bud, Mom and Dad are coming home tomorrow. Is there any way that I can talk you into taking full blame for this?

  Bud : Sure. If you can get me a woman who won't say no.

  Kelly : So there's no way.

• Bud : I didn't have anything to do with this, I was out with a girl!

  Kelly : And do you really think they're going to believe that?

• Jefferson : This may come as a surprise to you, but your couch wasn't exactly a popular item.

  Bud : How many were made? 1,000? 500?

  Jefferson : Two.

  Kelly : How many did they sell?

  Jefferson : One.

  Kelly : Great. Then all we have to do is find the one they sold. How hard could that be?

  Bud : [Giving Kelly a look]  Boy when your looks go, you're dead. You're dead.

• Bud : [the couch has been torched]  If we're going to get a new couch, we need a picture of the old one.

  Kelly : Good idea. You're a genius.

  [takes a picture of the torched couch] 

  Kelly : Now what?

  Bud : Now we send this to Ripley's, along with your picture... I meant a picture BEFORE the fire!

• Bud : Dad, you want me to take the bag to the car?

  Al : No, she can walk.

• Kelly : [the couch has been torched]  If Mom finds out about this, it could kill her.

  Bud : Kel, don't you think you're exaggerating just a little?

  Kelly : [the phone rings; Kelly answers]  Hello?

  Peggy : Is my couch okay?

  Kelly : Your couch? Why yes, it's fine. It's lovely. Why do you ask?

  Peggy : Well the funniest thing happened: for no reason, my rear end suddenly got warm.

• Bud : [fashioning a haphazard little love nest on the front porch]  Now, I know this might not be quite as comfortable as what you're used to, my dear, but personally, I find making love indoors restrictive. So I'm glad that attendant threw us out of his photomat.

  Naomi : You're as broke as a two-dollar wristwatch, aren't you?

  Bud : And hornier than a funeral in New Orleans, baby.

  [gesturing at the makeshift bed] 

  Bud : Shall we?

  Naomi : [scoffs]  No!

  Bud : No? Where'd you pick up that kind of language?

  Naomi : Look, I don't know what kind of tramp you think I am, but just because a man can build a nest like a wren, doesn't mean I'll make out with him. Goodbye.

  [turns and leaves] 

  Bud : But I'm wearing 'Simply Abe!'

  [waves the dollar note worn around his collar] 

• Kelly : You see, Budrick, these kids look at me as the Verminator, and all they see is glamor and bright lights and deadly poison, but I'm more than just a sexy chick who kills bugs. I'm a role model. So I volunteered to shoot a public service announcement in the house to encourage them to read.

  Bud : [incredulously]  But, Kel, you can't read.

  Kelly : Yeah, well, you can't score, but you still have a bed. Anyway, I just thought that it was time I gave something back to the community.

  Bud : Well, judging by the lines at the free clinic, you already have.

  Kelly : You know, that's the sort of crack that would have made the old Kelly call you a 'rubber-loving Barbie thumper.'

• Bud : I can't believe you burnt down Mom's couch.

  Kelly : [defensively]  Well, I can't believe you bought that stupid 'concern for illiteracy' crap. I mean, if you had doubted me the way you were supposed to, this never would have happened.

  Bud : Nice try, pyro-nymph.

  Kelly : Bud, you've got to help me.

  Bud : Oh sure, if you don't mind a life of servitude and degradation, I hear Saudi-Arabia needs blondes

  [grins] 

  Bud : .

• Bud Bundy : Guess what, Kel. Next Saturday night, I got a shot at a babe that hasn't used the word 'no' since the last time someone asked her if she ever used the word 'no'.