- Al Bundy: You know, standing here with my loving family, I have a question: Why am I running *from* the axe?
- Al Bundy: Who could've cut our tires?
- Peggy Bundy: Oh, well, let's see. Who do we know that's insane and has a sharp object?
- Kelly Bundy: Grandma?
- Kelly Bundy: Uh, Dad?
- Al Bundy: Oh, what?
- Kelly Bundy: There's a phone behind you. You might want to share this with the police. I mean, just tell them that we're in this dump, and if you have the time, why don't you tell them that THERE'S A KILLER UPSTAIRS!
- Al Bundy: Someone tried to kill us in our room.
- The Sheriff: Oh, yeah. Must've been the guy who does that every five years.
- Peggy Bundy: That wasn't in the brochure, Al.
- The Sheriff: The storm washed the bridge out. That means the killer is stuck right here with us. Got him right where I want him. Well, might as well go back to bed now. Oh, if you folks see him again, just holler. I'll... try and find you.
- [the sheriff leaves]
- Al Bundy: There goes the only man in town who can save us from the killer.
- [beat]
- Al Bundy: We're dead.
- Peggy Bundy: Well, maybe this is just one of those mystery weekends.
- Bud Bundy: It was no mystery, Mom. Dad was just too cheap to take us someplace nice, and we're going to be butchered.
- Peggy Bundy: Thank your father, kids.
- Bud Bundy, Kelly Bundy: Thanks, Dad.
- Al Bundy: All right, now, let's discuss what we know already. We're trapped by a killer, the phones are dead, and the sheriff couldn't catch an M&M in his mouth.
- Peggy Bundy: [to the locals] Uh, excuse me, everybody. I don't mean to interrupt your meal, but I would just like to say thanks for rushing to our aid as I was screaming into the night. Does everybody realize that we were almost killed last night?
- [everyone nods]
- Roy: Yeah, sure do.
- Peggy Bundy: Oh. Well, then maybe I'm boring you. Isn't anybody else scared?
- [everyone shakes their heads and says, "no"]
- Peggy Bundy: You see, there is this axe-welding maniac on the loose. Sometimes they can hurt you.
- Roy: Won't hurt us. He just kills tourists.
- [everyone smiles]
- Beany: 11 since 1962.
- Al Bundy: [to the sheriff, about Delbert] Look, that guy's the killer. I know it, you know it, and them...
- [looks at the locals]
- Al Bundy: Well, if Darwin was right, they'll know it in about a million years. Now, me? I'm taking my family and I'm going back to Chicago, where I die just a little each day.
- [Al, Kelly, and Bud get ready to leave]
- Kelly Bundy: Uh, Dad. I think we're missing something.
- Al Bundy: Well, leave it here. We'll have them send it to us.
- Kelly Bundy: It's Mom, Dad.
- Al Bundy: [pauses] Oh, yeah. I was wondering why *I* was carrying the bags. Where'd she go?
- [a terrified Peggy is seen in another room, tied up, with a gag in her mouth, and the shadow of a man holding an axe is seen near her]
- [Al has knocked out the killer. The townspeople are shocked after seeing who he is]
- The Sheriff: Do you know who this man is, Bundy?
- Al Bundy: Yeah, he's the killer.
- The Sheriff: Yes, but he's also... The man who met Andy Griffith!