Married... with Children (TV Series)

Peggy and the Pirates (1993)

David Garrison: Steve Rhoades, Rubio the Cruel

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rubio the Cruel : Men, hide your women, women, hide your heinies! For I'll bring you the unique musical styling of Rubio the Cruel! Rubettes?

  [three identically dressed pirates line up behind him] 

  Rubio the Cruel : [singing]  For I'll be true to the song I sing, and live and die - ha-ha! - a pirate king! For I am a pirate king, and it is, it is, a glorious thing to be a pirate king! Whoo, I am a pirate king...!

  [dissolve to Rubio singing from the bridge] 

  Rubio the Cruel : [singing]  I am the very model of a modern major general, I've information vegetable, animal and mineral...

  [shot of the pirates and Paco's men all committing suicide, by hanging themselves, stabbing themselves, or just jumping into the ocean; dissolve to Rubio's last number] 

  Rubio the Cruel : [singing]  Ding-ding-ding went the bell, zing-zing-zing went my heartstrings...

  Captain Courage : Now we all know why he's called Rubio the Cruel!

• Rubio the Cruel : [capturing Scarlett]  Now, nothing will stop me from marrying you, collecting your dowry, having my way with you, and killing you! Not necessarily in that order.

• [Captain Courage and Rubio the Cruel are in a clinch during the sword fight] 

  Captain Courage : You're making me look bad in front of my woman.

  Rubio the Cruel : As least she doesn't have to stare at the bits of corn in your teeth.

  Captain Courage : That "corn" is my teeth! For that, you die!

  Rubio the Cruel : You fool! I was taught to fight by the greatest teachers in the finest schools in Europe.

  Captain Courage : Oh, yeah? Well I was taught how to fight in the streets!

  [Captain Courage knees Rubio in the groin]