- Iqbal: And now a man whose selfless devotion to nudity is an inspiration to us all, Al Bundy!
- Al Bundy: Thank you. Tonight's contestants will be judged by two categories, the left one and the right one.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: And in the event of a tie, the winner will be decided by peanut butter wrestling.
- Griff: Oh there will be a tie and Griff's got the Jif.
- Marcy D'Arcy: Peggy, now you're not any better than those cheap strippers.
- Peggy Bundy: Yes, I am! I won that contest.
- Marcy D'Arcy: No, I mean you have set the women's movement back 50 years.
- Peggy Bundy: Who cares? Last night, this woman's movement was fantastic.
- Marcy D'Arcy: Peggy, last night, Al was not making love with you. In his head, he was making love with some slut.
- Peggy Bundy: That's what he always does. But, you see, this time the slut was me and that makes me feel very good about myself.
- Chesty LaRue: Don't worry, men. I haven't lost a step. I'm as sexy as I was when I entertained the troops.
- Al Bundy: Union or Confederate?
- Peggy Bundy: You think Al's falling in love with her?
- Marcy D'Arcy: Yep, better watch out or they might run away together.
- Peggy Bundy: Over my dead body! Oh my God, that bitch Jasmine is ruining my marriage!
- Marcy D'Arcy: Peggy, that bitch is you.
- Peggy Bundy: Well I know that. I've created a monster, although she does make 300 bucks a night.
- Peggy Bundy: Oh, Al, I can't believe you got all dressed up.
- Al Bundy: Well, sure, Peg. I'm going to be a judge at the Jiggly Room. Future Hooters of America are in my hands.
- Peggy Bundy: Well, I thought we agreed to have a romantic evening.
- Al Bundy: Well, sure we did, Peg. But I don't remember the word "together" mentioned.