- Peggy Bundy: Al, I just saw Elvis!
- Al Bundy: Elvis who?
- Peggy Bundy: Elvis Presley! The King! The Pelvis! He just walked by here asking me where the mall pharmacy was, and I pointed it out to him. He's been spotted all over the country and I think I just saw him.
- Al Bundy: Peg, let me explain three things to you. Number one: Elvis is dead. Number two: Elvis was never good when he was alive. And number three: if Elvis was alive, he'd want you to clean my shirts!
- [first lines]
- Margo: They don't fit! None of these shoes fit! Your ad says "we fit every foot."
- Al Bundy: Yes, ma'am, but our problem is not what Webster meant by feet. Lets face it ladies, these are giant rib roasts with toenails. Might I suggest putting your footsies on large plates and surrounding them with those little brown baked potatoes wrapped in aluminum foil along with a glass of dry red wine.