Married... with Children (TV Series)

How Bleen Was My Kelly (1995)

Ted McGinley: Jefferson D'Arcy

Quotes 

• Bob Rooney : Uh, guys, am I the only one in the Bleen group who's had this horrible urge to do the girlfriend thing with the wife?

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Oh, thank God I'm not alone.

  Ike : I carried the wife across the threshold. I told her that I loved her. I even had foreplay.

  [the men groan in disgust] 

  Griff : Hey, so what? Last night I pleasured my ex-wife and paid her back alimony!

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Yeah? Yeah, well, that's nothing. When I was making love to Marcy, I was fantasizing about... Marcy.

• Al Bundy : Gentlemen, we are on the horns of a dilemma. By marketing Bleen, we'll make millions. Well, I will. But we'll also be condemning mankind to a lifetime of lights-on, bags-off, wife-pleasing sex.

  Jefferson D'Arcy : Okay, okay, then it's settled. We can't sell Bleen. We'd be as hated as the guy who invented the G-spot.

  Bob Rooney : Hey, who was that guy?

  Ike : I don't know. Kenny G?