Married... with Children (TV Series)

Do Ya Think I'm Sexy (1990)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peggy : Al, you're late coming home. The shoe store closed hours ago. Where have you been?

  Al : Walking around. Thinking. Whoa, this new underwear is tight. You can freeze a cheek off in these babies in the cold breeze out there.

  Peggy : What happened?

  Al : Well... this young, beautiful... very beautiful girl walked into the shoe store today. A very well dressed young woman. She asked to try on some shoes. As I was helping her out, she kind of flirted with me and I flirted back. We talked for a while. Then out of the blue, she asked me to run away to the Greek islands with her.

  Kelly Bundy : Did you go, Daddy?

  Al : [sarcastic]  Yes, Pumpkin. I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye.

  Kelly Bundy : That's okay.

  Al : Anyway, all this girl wanted was a love toy.

  Bud Bundy : Yeah, I know the feeling.

  Kelly Bundy : Oh, please! The only feeling you know is Buck's fur against your cheek on a warm summer night.

  Al : It was every man's fantasy. To be kept by a young wealthy woman whose skirt is as short as the lifespan of the man she chooses. But I said "no."

  Bud Bundy : Why?

  [Peggy angrily punches Bud in his arm] 

  Al : Well, because I just realized that everything I've been doing up to now... the bathing, the tooth brushing, changing of the socks, wearing fancy clean clothes, being nice to people, trying to succeed... it's all for nothing. All of those things are designed to attract. Why should I be attractive? I'm married... with children.

• Al : After I moved Brenda's couch, she said I was cute. Oh Peg, I think she likes me!

  Peggy : Oh honey, how could she? Believe me Al, and I'm telling you this as your wife and as your friend, no one likes you.

• Al : What did they say about me?

  Kelly Bundy : Well, they said you had the arms of a blacksmith and the legs of a god.

  Al : Did they say anything about my butt?

  [Kelly turns away in revulsion] 

  Al : I was bending over an awful lot out there. Did anyone notice? Did they? Did they?

  Kelly Bundy : They liked it, Daddy.

  Al : YES!

• [Al is going outside shirtless] 

  Peggy : Where are you going?

  Al : Where do you think I'm going?

  Peggy : To the "Mr. Pudding Belly" tryouts?

• Al : [Al opens the door for Brenda]  After you, my rear... I mean my dear.

  Peggy : [Peg grabs Al by the ear]  You are too tired to fix the doorbell, and yet you can go move her couch?

  Al : [shrugs]  Yeah.

• Al : Pumpkin, can I ask you something? When two people are as beautiful as we are, is it terrible to flaunt what we have?

  Kelly Bundy : Terrible? It's an obligation, a duty. It's like belonging to whoever wins you in a knife fight.