Married... with Children (TV Series)

Dances with Weezie (1993)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Quotes 

• Jefferson : What year did the Cubs last win the World Series?

  Al : 1908.

  Peggy : And yet you can't remember the year we were married?

  Al : Same year, 1908. Only difference is, baseball is still interesting.

  Peggy : Maybe that's because they score more than once a season.

• Peggy : Al, what was I wearing the day we met?

  Al : Too much make-up.

• Al : [watching "The Jeffersons"]  Oh my God. It's Weezie in a bathing suit!

• Peggy : You never listen to me.

  Al : Well, why would I? I have a tv.

  Peggy : I know. It's the only thing you've turned on in 20 years.

  Al : Well, if you came with a remote and mute button, I might turn you on too every now and then.

• Marcy : Let's open our Movin' On Up souvenir bags.

  Al : We can use 'em when our dinner starts movin' on up.

• Jefferson : Who was in the very first Lite Beer commercial?

  Al : No problem. You're talking beer, you're talking my language.

  Marcy : You're talking beer, you're talking his belly.

  Al : [Marcy is wearing a white turtle-neck sweater]  Why do I suddenly have an uncontrollable urge to play t-ball?

• Bud : Hey, Dad, we heard the sports bar is opening the same night as the Jeffersons tour.

  [Stifling laughter] 

  Bud : Which one are you going to?

  [Laughs] 

  Al : Ha ha ha. Kids, you wanna do ol' Dad a favor before he kills ya?

• Jefferson : Now that's no fair. You stole that from Bugs Bunny.

  Al : Daffy!

  Jefferson : Bugs!

  Al : Daffy!

  Jefferson : Bugs!

  Al : Daffy!

  Jefferson : Bugs!

  Al : Daffy!

  Jefferson : Bugs!

  Al : Daffy!

  Jefferson : Bugs!

  Peggy : [enters the house with Marcy]  Hey, hey! Why are you two introducing yourselves to each other?

• Marcy : The Jeffersons Movin' On Up tour.

  Al : What are they movin' on up to? Channel 99?

• Al : Hello, Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Fire Arms? I have an alcohol question: Who was in the very first Lite Beer commercial? I say it was Bubba Smith but I have a friend who thinks it was... Hello?