- Al Bundy: Size 5. Why can't women ever admit to being anything over a size 5?
- Griff: Yeah.
- Al Bundy: It's the great thing about men. We don't lie about size. Of course, I don't have to.
- Griff: Neither do I.
- Al Bundy: Well... neither do I.
- [the two men stare at each other]
- Griff: Contest?
- Al Bundy: Let's rock!
- [produces handy foot-measuring instrument as Griff prepares to take down his slacks - just as a young, attractive woman walks in]
- Al Bundy: May we show you something?
- Connie: It better be shoes.
- Marcy D'Arcy: Breast feeding is a natural biological function.
- Al: So is peeing, but you don't see me doing that in public.
- Marcy D'Arcy: [madder than a wet hen] How dare you deny her her God given right to nourish her baby? Breastfeeding is a natural biological function!
- Al Bundy: So is peeing, but you don't see me doing that in public.
- Miranda Veracruz de la Jolla Cardinal: [TV news anchor woman, after bemoaning her lot:] But since I am here, I might as well speak to the leader of the counter demonstration. A former high school football player, current shoe salesman and future food stamp abuser, Al Bundy. Mr. Bundy, what is your group trying to achieve here?
- Al Bundy: We wanna show the world that men have a God-given right to live in a breast-free environment.
- Griff: Don't get us wrong. We're not some of those sissy men who don't like breasts. I mean, I'm not. Of course, I can't vouch for these other guys.
- Al Bundy: Our point is breasts have no place in a women's shoe store! Unless they're on a pinup calendar in a bathroom.
- Bob Rooney: Or in one of them pens where the bathing suit disappears.
- [has one of those, holds it up, the other guys are enthralled]