Married... with Children (TV Series)

All-Nite Security Dude (1991)

Bubba Smith: Spare Tire Dixon

Photos 

Quotes 

• Spare Tire Dixon : It should have been mine, Bundy. Headlines should have read: "Spare Tire crushes unidentified white man on goal line." I was supposed to play college ball, but it never happened. Know why?

  Al Bundy : Too stupid?

  Spare Tire Dixon : Well, it was because after that game, I fell into a deep depression. And I turned where too many players before me had turned to drown their sorrows: pie. Come tryouts, I could no longer get in a three-point stance unless there was a pie on the floor. My career was over. You stole the glory that should have been mine.

  Al Bundy : I had a little bit of glory, yeah. But you had pie, and I haven't eaten in twenty years! I'd give you that trophy now for a piece of pie! So pardon me if I don't cry for you, Argentina, but I sell women's shoes, AND I'm married!

  Spare Tire Dixon : Oh, yeah? Well, I bet your mother-in-law doesn't look like this.

  [takes out his wallet and shows Al a photo that makes him gasp and reel momentarily] 

  Al Bundy : No, my mother in law looks like THIS!

  [takes out his own wallet with his own picture] 

  Spare Tire Dixon : [aghast]  Okay, okay!

• Spare Tire Dixon : On the count of three... 3!

• [last lines] 

  Spare Tire Dixon : [panting]  Nice run, Bundy.

  Al Bundy : [panting]  Nice... nice hit, Spare Tire.

  Spare Tire Dixon : We were two pretty good athletes back then, weren't we?

  Al Bundy : Hey, we're still great athletes!

  [pause] 

  Al Bundy : I'm hurt real bad, you know.

  Spare Tire Dixon : Me, too.

  Al Bundy : I can't get up.

  Spare Tire Dixon : Me neither.

  Al Bundy : Sleepy-time now?

  Spare Tire Dixon : Oh, yes.

  [They both pass out on the floor]