Married... with Children (TV Series)

A Man for No Seasons (1994)

Joe Morgan: Joe Morgan

Quotes 

• Joe Morgan : We're here with the leader of the Wrigley Field break-in boys, Al Birdie.

  Al Bundy : That's Bundy.

  Joe Morgan : Birdie, let me ask you this. Why?

  Peggy Bundy : You know, I've asked him that myself over the years. He says he's either too tired...

  Al Bundy : [interrupting]  Pay no attention to the big red machine, Joe. Why did we play baseball? For the love of the game.

  [Mike Piazza, manning the video camera, pans it over to Kelly standing nearby who does some very seductive poses for him, as Al continues talking] 

  Al Bundy : [voice]  Just like every American husband, it's our right seven months out of the year to sit on the couch with a bowl of pretzels and a frosty cold one and watch baseball. Since that right has been violated and the owners and players have not been able to resolve their differences, we just simply decided to play the game ourselves.

  Joe Morgan : [stepping into the frame of the image]  Unfortunately, our audience might have missed that since the camera's suddenly shooting Baywatch.

• Joe Morgan : So to recap, baseball is on strike, hockey is on strike, and Saturday Night Live just won't end.

• Dave Winfield : [about the video camera]  How does this thing work again?

  Joe Morgan : That's it! Next time, I'm hiring a hockey guy.

• Mike Piazza : [as Joe Morgan's camera operator]  How does this thing work again?

  Joe Morgan : Turn it on when I'm talking and off when you think you have something to say.

  Mike Piazza : Got it.

• Joe Morgan : Mind if I do a little interview?

  [Al chuckles, but before he could answer, Peggy takes Joe's microphone] 

  Peggy Bundy : No problem. He tries to sell shoes. He tries to satisfy his wife. He does neither. Back to you, Joe.

  Joe Morgan : And who is this lovely lady?

  Al Bundy : [points to Kelly]  That's my daughter, Kelly. The redhead here is her mother, Rodan.

• [the doorbell rings and Bud answers it] 

  Joe Morgan : Hi, I'm Joe Morgan. Are you Al Birdie?

  Bud Bundy : Uh, no, no. I believe the Birdie you're looking for is the, uh, the dodo over there.