- Steve Rhoades: Get lost, Al, it's the president.
- Al Bundy: [shakes hands with bank president] I voted for you.
- Al Bundy: Milwaukee, Milwaukee, Milwaukee, that's the town they built around your mother, isn't it, Peg?
- Al Bundy: Hey, Steve, I'm glad I caught you. I need a loan. See, I'm gonna buy my own toll line. Yeah, it'll be great. People will pay two bucks a pop just to talk to me. Now I know what you're thinking, that this is just another sex line. Well it isn't, this is something I know something about.
- Peamon: You really believe in the loan?
- Steve Rhoades: With my heart and soul, sir.
- Peamon: Would you put your job on the line for it?
- Steve Rhoades: No, sir.
- Peamon: Then I will. If this Bundy doesn't come through, you're fired!
- Al Bundy: [looking at the phone bill] What about these three pages of toll calls to the Heavy Metal hotline?
- [Peggy and Bud look at Kelly]
- Kelly Bundy: [looks away, then back at Al] Oh, then, that must have been me, Dad, but I was saving you money.
- Al Bundy: How did you do that, pumpkin?
- Kelly Bundy: Well, because they said that it's $3.00 for the first minute and 50 cents for each additional minute, so rather than get charged extra, I'd hang up after a minute and then call back.
- [Al looks down, holding his head in his hands]
- Peggy Bundy: Well, at least she's trying, Al.
- Al Bundy: [looks at everyone] Oh, God!
- [Al puts his head back down again]
- Steve Rhoades: Yeah, the hick's signing the papers right now... oh, not you. I was talking about some other hick.
- Al Bundy: Hello, It's Dr. Shoe again. I've made several pleas and nobody cares, so let's cut the crap and get to it. I want to introduce you to some people. This is Mrs. Shoe
- [Peggy waves]
- Al Bundy: , my daughter, Kelly Shoe
- [Kelly pulls her hair over her face to hide]
- Al Bundy: , my son, Bud Shoe
- [Bud waves while keeping his head down to hide]
- Al Bundy: , and Buck, the Shoe Dog
- [Buck looks away in shame]
- Al Bundy: . We're starving. Could you please call? You don't have to talk to me, just hang up. It's charity, for God's sake. Kids, you don't even need your parents' permission.
- Marcy Rhoades: [to Steve] You loaned this man $50,000? That's $1,000 an IQ point. And I can't blame Al. A man gives a gun to a chimp and the chimp shoots someone, you don't blame the chimp.
- Al Bundy: Hey! That was a hidden dig at me, wasn't it?
- Al Bundy: So you haven't lost any more respect for me?
- Peggy Bundy: Oh, now, that would be impossible, wouldn't it, kids?
- [Bud and Kelly nod]
- Peggy Bundy: I mean, honey, you lost $100,000. How many men who earn less than a fry cook can say they lost $100,000?
- Bud Bundy: Fry cook? Dad makes less than the newspaper boy.
- Kelly Bundy: A street mime.
- Peggy Bundy: The guy who scrapes dead animals off the highway.
- [Al gets up and leaves]
- Bud Bundy: A lab animal.
- Kelly Bundy: A circus geek.
- Peggy Bundy: A barnacle scraper.
- Bud Bundy: A professional miniature golfer.
- Kelly Bundy: A qualified teacher.
- Peggy Bundy: Honey, no one is stupid enough to call a shoe hotline.
- Al Bundy: Oh, yeah? Well, everyone in high school said "No one was stupid enough to marry the big redhead", but someone was, wasn't he?